Another day, another bizarre soundbite from conspiracy theorist radio host Alex Jones. Instead of the usual rants about the Bilderberg Group, the New World Order, chemtrails, false flags, or whatnot, America’s most persistent blowhard channeled Joan Rivers (except earnestly) on Thursday, calling First Lady Michelle Obama a “tranny.”
Salon’s Elias Esquith used this latest ridiculousness as a wonderful excuse to re-post this classic video: “Alex Jones becaomes a Super Saiyan”:
And that led me to wonder: Who would play Alex Jones in a biopic?
Such a movie would obviously have to be directed by Paul Thomas Anderson, given his undeniable skill for exploring fringe, charismatic authorities. But who would be our leading man? Here are some of the best suggestions that came my way:
1. Nicolas Cage
I’d say he’s the frontrunner. No one loses their shit on-camera quite like Nic Cage. Allow this video, helpfully titled “Nicolas Cages Loses His Shit,” to demonstrate his capacity for Alex Jonesian madness:
2. Kevin Spacey
Spacey does the whole charismatic menace well. Insert Frank Underwood reference.
3. Jonah Hill
Esquith suggested this one as being Hill’s Raging Bull moment. And I can see that being true. It should be shot in black-and-white, directed by Scorsese, and Hill will have to put on even more weight. It would be an understated classic — nay, a triumph.
4. Patton Oswalt
This suggestion came from a colleague who cited the comedian’s brilliantly nonsensical filibuster rant from Parks and Recreation in favor of his ability to blow hard like a truly nutty blowhard:
5. Alec Baldwin
Love him or hate him, Baldwin knows how to get angry. And he does a great monologue:
6. Philip Seymour Hoffman (R.I.P.)
His portrayal of cult-like religious leader Lancaster Dodd in The Master is evidence enough alone that the late legend would have been a perfect Alex Jones. But if you need any further proof, there’s also this frightening shoutfest from Punch Drunk Love to really hammer home the Jonesian derangement:
7. Melissa McCarthy
Another great Twitter suggestion. It would be a gender-bending role of the century.
Have a tip we should know? firstname.lastname@example.org