NYT: Super sad true kitchen story: a writer cuts herself with an immersion blender, then writes longform thinkpiece about how the seemingly harmless immersion blender is going to blend your hand off. We can see this now as part of a twenty-part series on the dangers of kitchen tools: “Knives cut vegetables BUT ALSO YOUR FINGERS!” “Stoves: great for heating BUT ALSO FOR BURNING!” “Toasters: THAT ONE LOOKED AT ME FUNNY!”

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The Daily Meal: 14-year-old wunderkind chef Flynn McGarry is hosting his pop-up restaurant at Los Angeles’s Bierbeisl, with tickets going at $160 per. At this rate, he’ll be able to charge $250,000 per dinner…when he’s 1032, give or take. Sorry, Flynn.

The Huffington Post: Comedian Andy Milonakis stars in a webseries wherein he takes normal ingredients and prepares them with high-end, gourmet foods. For example: in this episode, he makes Hamburger Helper with wagyu beef and $563 worth of black truffles. And powdered cheese. Because duh.

Grub Street: Anheuser-Busch recently lost a trademark

battle in the UK over the name Budweiser, because the name of a competing brewery, the Czech-based Budejovicky Budvar, means “Budweiser Beer” when translated into German. In the future, Anheuser-Busch should probably make sure there isn’t a brewer out there called named Natty Licht.

Serious Eats: It’s almost time for the Bocuse d’Or, and Gavin Kaysen sat down with the Serious Eats team to discuss his hopes for Team USA — namely, that they’ll be taken seriously in the international culinary community. The tipping point for Kaysen: when, during his run at the 2007 Bocuse d’Or title, he came in 14th place. “I’d rather have not known,” he said. “It was a very Ben Stiller moment where we were supposed to put ’14th Place’ on our refrigerator!” America: the land for people who can’t cook good and want to do other stuff good too. 

Tags: Andy Milonakis, Anheuser-Busch, Bocuse d'Or, flynn mcgarry, Gavin Kaysen, journalism