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This Exists: Alvin Greene Unveils Bizarre Campaign Music Video (UPDATED)

Alvin Greene has entered the modern era of political campaigning, apparently releasing a video that summarizes his policies. Folks, it does not disappoint. And it’s legit – at least according to the NY Times.


Starting with a segment from one of his first interviews, in which an incredulous ABC reporter asks if he’s “up for this,” the video jumps quickly into the hip-hop track that makes it so catchy. (N.B.: Your definition of “catchy” may differ from mine.)

Here, for the first time ever – the lyrics.

When I say “Alvin,” you say “Greene.”
Alvin! Greene! Alvin! Greene!
When I say “Alvin,” you say “Greene.”
Alvin Greene for Senator!

Listen up everybody, ’cause I’m here to say
If you’re tired of the government you have today
And you wanna big change in a major way
Then vote Alvin Greene on Election Day!

Jobs! Education! Justice, too!
My man Al knows what’s best for you
So come together party people, both red and blue
And don’t believe the rumors that are just not true.

Well, Greene’s a new face in politics,
And he don’t show porno to college chicks.
But he’s got some ideas that’ll fix the state,
So open up your minds and stop the hate.

Time to dig down deep in your wallet or purse.
It can only get better and it can’t get worse.
Shake up DC, sat in the church,
And put me, you and Alvin Greene back to work!

Well, let’s talk about the issues one time –
Makin’ sure the punishment fits the crime!
And if you don’t think that’s cool enough –
He’s gonna give lots of money to the schools and stuff!

Real family values those are rad –
He loves family and lives with his mom and dad!
November’s coming, it’s time to choose –
And Jim DeMint should be ready to lose!

Alvin Greene, is on the scene.
Gotta get out and vote, if you know what I mean.
Alvin Greene is the one for you.
He knows how you feel ’cause he’s unemployed, too.

Alvin Greene is the natural choice.
Don’t listen to the folks that make fun of his voice.
Alvin Greene, his campaign’s legit,
And you know this great nation will benefit!

(The final verses are over footage of Greene and… LeBron James, who is thanked in the credits.)

When I say “Alvin,” you say “Greene.”
Alvin! Greene! Alvin! Greene!
When I say “Alvin,” you say “Greene.”
Alvin Greene for Senator!

When I say “Alvin,” you say “Greene.”
Alvin! Greene! Alvin! Greene!
When I say “Alvin,” you say “Greene.”
Alvin Greene for Senator!

…and so on.

The video credits list Greene himself as producer and director, and his father as the first cameraman. The video was posted to YouTube by user virgiltexas, which seems odd, so I’m coming to this with a little skepticism. But if The Times considers it legit, who am I to argue with the paper of record?

South Carolina voters, your choice just got a whole lot harder.

UPDATE: Too good to be true? Yes, most likely. The YouTube video indicates that it was produced by WeGotSplashers from the Bay Area.

That it even seemed plausible certainly says something about Mr. Greene.

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