New Book Reveals The MI5’s Secret Plot To Turn Hitler Into A Woman

Man, do the British love cross-dressing. It’s as much a part of their cultural heritage as their love of queen and country and their mistaken belief that putting a plunger on the front of a tin can makes for an intimidating sci-fi villain. Yes, place a wig on a British funny man, have him raise his voice an octave, and the entirety of London is brought to its knees with an epidemic of split sides. However, a new book has revealed that the British once considered taking their love of drag to an extreme we never could have imagined; they tried to end World War II by secretly turning Adolf Hitler into a lady.

The book, entitled Secret Weapons: Technology, Science And The Race To Win World War II, describes a number of slightly odd proposed plans to end the horrible war. This plan, however, is currently making the most headlines. Unsurprising. What journalist doesn’t want to spend Monday morning photoshopping luxurious locks on Hitler’s head?

From The Mirror:

“[The author, Professor Brian Ford,] said: ‘There was an allied plan that they would smuggle oestrogen into Hitler’s food and change his sex so he would become more feminine and less ­aggressive.

‘Their research had showed the importance of sex hormones – they were beginning to be used in sex therapy in London.

‘The plan was to give sex hormones to Hitler and counterbalance his ­unnecessary aggression.’

Professor Ford said the plan was perfectly feasible because British spies were in place to lace his food.

He added: ‘There were agents who would be able to get it into his food – it would have been entirely possible.'”

Some of the other plans are equally awesome, like the one that would have dropped a ton of glue on Nazi soldiers, sticking them to the ground.

Oh, if only we had developed the glue bomb instead of the nuclear weapon, how different the world would be today? Can you imagine the joy of listening to 2012 candidates debate the danger Iran’s Elmers program creates?

Unfortunately, none of these plans were ever used and have only recently become declassified. Still, it seems pretty clear to me that most of these ideas were later funneled into Britain’s sketch comedy technology. Obviously only brilliant military minds could have concocted whatever potion it was that enabled Benny Hill to run that fast.

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