Jersey Shore Finale: Did Snooki Break Character, And Will We Ever Care Again?

Vinny may be headed toward a threesome with two girls, or “hoes” as the MTV caption reads, but he decides against it because of his Juliet, Ramona. “When you actually have a good girl out there, say no to hoes,” he says, as health teachers everywhere nod cautiously.

The Situation, of course, swoops in. “It’s a carousel, and that’s two girls, me and lots of fun,” he says. “That’s a Situationsome.” So funny, that one. But it too is half-assed – he makes out with them in the bathroom, and MTV spares us the embarrassment of seeing him either try and fail, or not even try, to bring them back to the house to seal the deal. He’s literally the anti-Glenngarry Glenn Ross.

Let’s fast-forward to the Beginning Of The End. Snooki asks Sammi to help her cook tacos and she declines. Sitch blows this situation up, saying that “they’re talking mad shit about you you better get in there.” So Sammi enters the kitchen and passive aggressively helps. “If you want to act like that I’m going to help you but I’m going to be a bitch on purpose,” says the character-formerly-known-as-Sweetheart.

Then we see Snooki in the confessional. Mocking Sammi, she starts talking like a normal person. “Hey Nicole, I’m gong to help you cook some tacos,” she says, even using her own real name. Then she re-enters the Snooki persona. “Like a fucking sarcastic bitch.” This lapse in Snooki-hood was like Ed Norton in Primal Fear. Is Snooki really Snooki, or is there Nicole, under the surface, that MTV finds neither profitable or interesting. Are we all being fooled? Watch the video below.

What follows is an epic argument started by Jwoww, who may be the most steroid-using unhinged in the house, after she heard people had called her fake. The argument centered around whether Pauly D and Vinny nodded when Sitch called her fake, which, upon further review, they did not nod, but moved their head slightly. Pauly goes nuts, because he’s also on steroids he didn’t like being accused of things he didn’t actually do. “Yous are all fuckin nuts!” he says.

But then he turns his attention to Snooki, while his “veins were coming out of his like neck and head.” Snooki looks visibly shaken. You almost expect her to go Laura Linney in The Truman Show, start talking like Nicole Polizzi and beg the director to step in. Instead, the storm settles and Snooki is just mad at Jwoww for starting everything. “Fucking giving me stress, I’m gonna have a fucking heart attack in two fucking minutes,” she says, packing. “My blood pressure is off the roof.”

And then, it’s mostly over. There are goodbyes, and they drive off. It was a disappointing end to a surprisingly strong season, but the Snooki voice and the Sitch anti-Kyra Sedgwick left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Maybe it was the frog legs, or the smash room or maybe it was just the realization our oblivious stars have all grown aware. I could be over-analyzing this (scratch that – I’m definitely over-analyzing this) but I have a bad feeling season three could be a disaster. And not in the Snooki Night way.

Check out the Snooki/Nicole transformation:

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