Meet Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey, The Vampire Who’s Running For President

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by Jon Bershad | 10:49 am, January 24th, 2011

» 17 comments

Many people have a problem with our two-party electorate system. They feel that the parties make it impossible for anyone without longstanding political connections to ever have a chance of becoming a leader. And the prominence of those parties mean that Independent candidates are basically just wasting their time. Frankly, one must wonder how fair our democracy is when half of our Presidents seem to be related to each other. That being said, here’s a news story about a 2012 hopeful who thinks he’s a vampire.

This morning, ABC News took a look at the 76 people who have already filled out paperwork to run in the upcoming Presidential election. The most interesting, perhaps, is Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey. Sharkey is a vampire. You can tell because he wears dark clothes and sunglasses and because “The Impaler” hasn’t been a popular nickname in like forever.

ABC News has some information about Sharkey’s positions and background:

“‘Certain criminals, instead of being put in jail, they should be brutally tortured and impaled,’ said Sharkey. ‘Upon them being found guilty of their crimes I’ll beat them, torture them, dismember them and decapitate them.’

Sharkey says the he drinks the blood of his ‘girlfriends and mistresses’ two times a week and when asked if he believes he has a chance of being elected responded, ‘Yes, I have a chance of winning. People like Sarah Palin are making it quite easy to pull off.’”

Ah, that Sarah Palin; inspiring Americans every day.

Now, I don’t want to sound biased and just endorse a political candidate, but it’s about time we had a contender who we knew wouldn’t go soft on werewolves and the growing Werewolfization of America. Just the other day, I read that there were plans to put a Lycanthrope temple a few blocks away from Ground Zero. Is nothing sacred?

Sharkey actually has some political experience too. He ran for Senate in Minnesota back in 2006. Huh, maybe I was wrong. Maybe he was the one who inspired Palin and not the other way around?

Check out the report from ABC News below and the article, which has information on a few more unconventional candidates, here.

2012 Election, Jonathon Sharkey, Vampires

Seeing 2012 From My Window

Unless his name is Edward Cullen, I’m not “biting”.
paulmdoro

Seeing 2012 From My Window said:
Unless his name is Edward Cullen, I’m not “biting”.

No Team Jacob for you?
Seeing 2012 From My Window

NO WAY! Team Edward all the way. I’m not ashamed to admit I am a twihard.
paulmdoro

Seeing 2012 From My Window said:
NO WAY! Team Edward all the way. I’m not ashamed to admit I am a twihard.

My sisters are too. No cause for shame.
ROCKSTEADY

“The Impaler” hasn’t been a popular nickname in like forever.

‘Yes, I have a chance of winning. People like Sarah Palin are making it quite easy to pull off.’”

HAHAHAHA Happy Monday!
stoogedudes

Eat your heart out, Christine O’Donnell…but in a civil way. ;)
skyfet

Vampire vs tea party? Now this is one to look forward to.
jooce81

lol so we go from Joe the Plumber to Jon the Vampire
Harry Flashman

He won’t be the first politician that truly sucks. And, no, I didn’t say a word about Barney Frank. I meant figuratively.

Sort of.
bealzebubba

This made my day a little bit brighter….in a Brady Bunch kind of way.
c54910

Old news. Someone already did a movie on him.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/62975/the-impaler

http://www.snagfilms.com/films/title/the_impaler/
Powerslave

At least he’d already be awake when that 3 a.m. phone call came through.
stoogedudes

Powerslave said:
At least he’d already be awake when that 3 a.m. phone call came through.

LOL!!

Hey, if this vampire can take the sun, he can surely take on Putin!
Pablo

Didn’t he run for something last cycle too? Or am I just remembering him for his 16 year old “wife”?
CAconservative

So what, if he thinks he’s a vampire? Obimbo thinks he’s a president!
Fuzzytoes

That’s giant step above the slug Palin.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Jonathon-Tepes-Sharkey/100000586121774 Jonathon Tepes Sharkey

Greetings,

You all must remember. I’ve been an ACTIVE member of the Republican Party from 1988 to 2004, when I told the RNC and Bush to go F-Off. In 2010, I was approached by RNC friends to return. There will be a split of the RNC in the near future. Look at what Rick Scott did in FL last year. He won going against the establishment.

As President, I will OUTLAW ABORTION – IMMEDIATELY! Bring our troops home from the war zones, and get rid of the Government Corruption that is screwing up this country and making life harder for the hard working Americans.

Its wrong that the elderly and disabled Veterans are not getting cost of living increases, yet, gas, food, rent, and prices keep going up. The Goverment officials in DC care more about making themselves and their contributors rich, and allowing innocent people to suffer.

Thanks for the article.

Jonathon The Impaler Sharkey