“Put Down The Remote”: Lyrics To Neil Patrick Harris’ Emmy Song

by Rachel Sklar | 12:24 am, September 21st, 2009

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NPH huffpo Because we love Neil Patrick Harris, and showtunes, and because we’re nerds, the first thing we looked for after the 61st Annual Emmy Awards finished was the clip of Harris kicking off the show with his fantastic opening number, “Put Down The Remote” — and the lyrics. We found the clip but strangely, no compulsive nerd seems to have slavishly transcribed all the lyrics — so, eh, we weren’t doing anything better, we did. They are too, too, too good to not blast around the Internet.

Written by Hairspray’s Marc Shaiman and Scott Wittman, the team behind Hairspray who also wrote NPH’s closing number for the Tonys, it is not only a typically brilliant, clever and tuneful little number, it’s also pretty a pretty damn timely comment on the state of the industry right now, in September 2009. Here you go. Lyrics first; video below.

PUT DOWN THE REMOTE
Neil Patrick Harris – Emmys 2009

Put down the remote
‘Cause this song what I wrote
Is a welcome you should not miss
Put down the remote
Every note from his throat
Is like a not-to-be-Tivo’d kiss

Don’t touch that dial
Yes it’s been quite a while
Since a dial was in style
But you know what I mean —
Don’t jump online
‘Cause this fine mug of mine
Needs a huge high-def screen!

Turn off that phone
‘Cause I want you alone
For the treasures I’ve got to share
Don’t hit that fridge – oh boy!
Let’s abridge
Your sweet derrière!
Don’t flip that switch
Aren’t you curious which
Stars got Emmys vote?
Don’t hit the loo
And whatever you do
Put down the remote!

(Key change!)

The stars are all here
Tina Fey! What a year!
Sarah Palin did you no wrong
Thank God “boob tube”
Rhymes with “Tony Shalhoub”
Or he wouldn’t be in this song!
I see such legends galore
Like McLaine! Barrymore!
Every dame looks so luscious and cool
But like season on “Idol”
I’m not seeing Paula Abdul!

Straight from “Mad Men” there’s Joan
Ah, the curves she has shown
It would make a blind man say “damn,”
She could turn a gay straight -
Oh wait, never mind, there’s Jon Hamm!
And though it’s true
I’m a nominee, too
I’ll try not to gloat
But it’s a gas to be praised
And it’s certainly raised my quote!

I know at home you’ve got
A&E, ABC, Starz and Biography
NBC, BET, Fox and Discovery
IFC, Spike TV, C-SPAN and TNT
AMC, History, Disney and QVC
CBS, PBS
TBS, and I guess
CNN, TBN, Showtime and Oxygen —
Whatever floats your boat!

Can’t you watch it later?

Yeah, you potatoes at home
Don’t let your fingertips roam
Tonight the Emmy is hitting the town -
So put down the remote!

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4 comments

Facebook User says:

September 21, 2009 at 3:08 am

props for calling out the key change.

sarainitaly says:

September 21, 2009 at 8:38 am

I love NPH, and he put on a good show. It felt a lot like the Oscars with Hugh Jackman, which I loved.

I just had two complaints – what was with all the hitting? The cartoon with the dog and that man baby (I forget the name of the show, and never watch it) also, the clips from 30 Rock and many others….everyone was punching each other. Did I miss something? It seemed really way too much and over the top. Was that planned?

My other complaint was the Variety category. It was so left leaning (I have giggled at many of the clips, during their own shows, and think some do a good job of poking fun at both political parties) but the clips were all very much attacks on the right. I think that within their Hollywood bubble they forget that HALF of the country does not belong to the Democrat party. It just comes across as really partisan, and personally, I think it leaves a bad taste and ruins an otherwise enjoyable evening. It was such an obvious segment putting down/attacking half of the country.

And with more and more Reality Shows taking over, and more and more sitcoms/hour shows getting cancelled, they might be wise to not offend a large segment of the viewing audience.

Rachel Sklar says:

September 21, 2009 at 11:10 am

I agreed on the Stewey/Family Guy violence – sorta gratuitous and Tarantino-esque – just because it’s a cartoon doesn’t make it not-disquieting. As for the Variety category, I am not sure what else would have beat out those shows – the category is for quality of entertainment not for political leanings, and I can’t think of ANY offering that could compete.

sarainitaly says:

September 21, 2009 at 12:24 pm

I have no problem with the shows nominated – I love Daily Show (although I prefer Craig Ferguson and Conan and Jimmy to Dave Letterman. I like the concept of Bill Maher’s show, but he is often too mean, and rude)
The clips they showed all seemed to be political, left leaning, mocking Conservatives. I didn’t see any that were poking fun at the other side.

Oh yes, Family Guy. Ugh, I thought it was awful. Way too much punching going on.
But, love Doogie!

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