Easily The Most Outrageous(ly Funny) TSA Story All Week


Imagine 233 people getting onboard a flight with “assault rifles, pistols, and machine guns” but getting hung up at a TSA checkpoint over a nail clipper?

A post on Red State tells a tale so deliciously outrageous–and hilarious–that it almost doesn’t matter whether it really happened or not, though Erick Erickson insists it involves a person he knows, and it really did happen.

The storyteller describes himself as a chalk leader for a group of soldiers returning to the U.S. from service in Afghanistan. As a result, these men and women were armed–heavily armed. “We were ALL carrying weapons,” the author writes. “Everyone was carrying an M4 Carbine (rifle) and some, like me, were also carrying an M9 pistol. Oh, and our gunners had M-240B machine guns. Of course, the weapons weren’t loaded. And we had been cleared of all ammo well before we even got to customs at Baghram, then AGAIN at customs.”

On a stopover at Indianapolis to drop off a group of 100 Indiana National Guardsmen, the TSA decided to make sure these soldiers weren’t trying to sneak any dangerous stuff onboard the plane–other than, you know, all those weapons:

So we’re in line, going through one at a time. One of our Soldiers had his Gerber multi-tool. TSA confiscated it. Kind of ridiculous, but it gets better. A few minutes later, a guy empties his pockets and has a pair of nail clippers. Nail clippers. TSA informs the Soldier that they’re going to confiscate his nail clippers. The conversation went something like this:

TSA Guy: You can’t take those on the plane.

Soldier: What? I’ve had them since we left country.

TSA Guy: You’re not suppose to have them.

Soldier: Why?

TSA Guy: They can be used as a weapon.

Soldier: [touches butt stock of the rifle] But this actually is a weapon. And I’m allowed to take it on.

TSA Guy: Yeah but you can’t use it to take over the plane. You don’t have bullets.

Soldier: And I can take over the plane with nail clippers?

TSA Guy: [awkward silence]

Me: Dude, just give him your damn nail clippers so we can get the f**k out of here. I’ll buy you a new set.

Soldier: [hands nail clippers to TSA guy, makes it through security]

Have a tip we should know? tips@mediaite.com

Filed Under: