Iranian Officials Accuse Kim Kardashian of Being a Secret Agent and Maybe They’re Right


Before I tell you more about why the Iranian Revolutionary Guards Corps, which is an organization set up to protect Iran’s Islamic foundations and prevent the interference of foreigners, said Kim Kardashian is a secret agent, I would like to present a few things to you.

Consider all of the following:

1. Kardashian is the child of a woman who is arguably the most brilliant PR strategist of all time. Kris Jenner has spent her adult years forging relationships with media personalities, paparazzi personnel, and well-to-do people and it has paid off. She dragged no less than 10 members of her family to fame while working quietly and diligently in the background as a “momager.” Say what you will about the Kardashians — and yes, I’m sure you will say plenty, since it is very trendy to hate them for banal reasons right now — but they are all wildly savvy businesspeople who learned from Jenner how to negotiate and social climb. If anyone could be a secret agent, it’s that woman, and if there’s one thing she does well, it’s spread the success around to all of her kids.

2. Kardashian has gone undercover and incognito before. Here is a video of the fashion maven titled “plotting and planning.” She is hiding from the paps in plain sight. That’s a spy skill.

3. Here she is donning a full costume that drastically changed her appearance (via the Daily Mail). She has unfettered access to makeup artists, hair stylists, and outfit coordinators 24/7; have you ever considered that her “glam team” is something more covert than she lets on?

4. She has certain skills that don’t really jive with her public persona. Watch here to see Kardashian seamlessly park a truck that is much too large for a very small woman and then try to tell me she hasn’t been trained to operate combat vehicles:

A video posted by @bitchy.tweet on

So, listen: I’m not saying she is or is not some type of international spy. I don’t want to be hunted. However, there are those who are a little bit less cautious. The Iranian Revolutionary Guards Guards is among them. On Sunday, the Organized Cyberspace Crimes Unit of the Revolutionary Guards dedicated an entire news broadcast to their theory that she is working in cahoots with the CEO of Instagram to inspire young women in the country to buck morality and Islamic tradition in favor of private jets and hair extensions.

According to People, this is what was said in the broadcast by the unit’s spokesperson, Mostafa Alizadeh:

Ms. Kim Kardashian is a popular fashion model so Instagram’s CEO tells her, ‘Make this native.” There is no doubt that financial support is involved as well. We are taking this very seriously.

Also according to People, when Kardashian was asked about this rumor by a reporter at Cannes, she said this:

“What? For who? I just landed and came here [from the airport]. I have not heard that one. Thanks for the heads-up.”

Sounds like something an international spy would say if you ask me.

[image via screengrab]

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