Alan Dershowitz Confronted on Jeffrey Epstein Ties in Jaw-Dropping Cartoon News Interview
Lawyer and former Harvard Law School Professor Alan Dershowitz — who most recently worked with President Donald Trump’s impeachment defense team — appeared on the Stephen Colbert-produced cartoon parody news show Tooning Out the News this week for a wild interview where he defended his ties to late sex offender Jeffrey Epstein and a massage he received on Epstein’s infamous island.
After being asked by fictional news host Jonathan Keene, “Do you think anyone will beat your record of discrediting 34 accusers in a single plea deal?” Dershowitz grinned and replied, “Well, what happened in that case was they only really had one or two accusers that they could prove, and they couldn’t prove that they traveled across state lines, so they couldn’t prove the federal case.”
“When you were negotiating that deal, did you say the word ‘whore’ so many times you forgot the meaning?” a female co-host questioned, prompting Dershowitz to grin again and say, “No, I didn’t use that term and I would never use that term to describe a young woman. I just laid out the facts.”
As the interview continued, Dershowitz explained, “I chose to become a defense attorney because I like to defend the underdog,” which led to another fictional co-host commenting, “Man, I hope one day I can look at over a hundred accusers and someone worth hundreds of millions of dollars and see that the rich pedophile is the underdog.”
Keene continued by asking, “Now, Jeffrey Epstein owned an island in the Caribbean called Little St. James, have you ever been there? And if so, don’t you hate it when Prince Andrew’s ass knocks over your drink?”
Dershowitz replied that Epstein flew him, his wife, and his daughter — who was “seven or something” at the time — over “for one day to see the new island,” where they met “with a professor at Harvard Law School and his wife.”
“We spent one day there. There were no young people there, there were no girls, there were no women,” Dershowitz claimed. “I never was in any area where Epstein was, where there were ever any young people or any misconduct that I ever saw.”
During the interview, Dershowitz also said, “My greatest wish is that Jeffrey Epstein took tapes of everything because that would prove conclusively that I was not on any of the tapes,” before moving on to defend a massage he received on Epstein’s island.
“My wife had a massage, I had a massage, they were therapeutic massages,” he explained, adding, “I kept my shorts on, yes!”
“I’m not a big massage person. As I said, my wife had a massage, I had a massage, that was routine when you went to Epstein’s places,” Dershowitz continued. “He offered massages and obviously when he had them, they were not just massages, but when he offered them to people like me and my wife they were therapeutic.”
“Sounds normal enough,” one of the fictional co-hosts responded.
The interview concluded with Dershowitz being asked, “If the feds come, who are you going to flip on first? Please say Bill Clinton.”
Dershowitz laughed before concluding, “I have nobody to flip on because I did nothing wrong and I am aware of nobody else who’s done anything wrong.”
Dershowitz previously admitted to receiving a massage, but clarified, “I kept my underwear on during the massage.”
Last month, Tooning Out the News ambushed President Trump’s personal attorney Rudy Giuliani.
