Rush Limbaugh: ‘I Am A Very Bad Person’*

by Glynnis MacNicol | 2:42 pm, January 25th, 2010

» 18 comments

I long ago lost track of the number of times that I’ve described something, or someone, as sounding like something you’d read in the The Onion, such has been the state of the news cycle since June (remember the Beer Summit?). However, what you are about to read actually is from the Onion. It is a fake* op-ed piece penned by an imaginary* Rush Limbaugh, though likely there are parts to it some folks very much wish were real…at least the part where fake Limbaugh expresses some regret over his recent Haiti comments.

I know there are a lot of people out there who are upset about some of the things I’ve been saying on my radio program lately. My comments about the situation in Haiti have hurt and angered many Americans who genuinely care about the plight of the Haitian people, and that hurt and anger will likely never go away. Many of you are probably wondering, “What would compel a human being to say things like that?” Well, here’s your answer: I am a very bad person. And, to tell you the truth, I don’t really want to be alive anymore.

You can read the rest here, though be warned, it’s neither all that pleasant nor necessarily safe for work. Which I guess at times could also describe Rush’s show.

haiti earthquake, Rush Limbaugh, The Onion, The State of Journalism

rmbltmbl

Wow, how original. Utterly juvenile and no different from all the other people who can’t win against Rush but choose to falsely quote him and ‘win.’ Seriously, it is just so sad.
ImNotBlue

Ah Glynnis… Dan Abrams must be so proud.

To think, his site is now a forum for the re-posting of Onion articles. What an achievement. It’s just a shame you guys decided to use a whole website for this… I’m sure a “MySpace” page would have been cheaper, and then you could have had the Jonas Bros. playing in the background!
Glenn Davis

WOW. I’ve been reading The Onion for a long time now and that, bar none, is the harshest thing I’ve ever seen from them – and it’s not even close. It blew me away. I actually wondered if they went too far (and with a guy like Rush, who’s pretty much staked a career on going too far, that’s saying a lot). They might have approached that level of vulgarity before with a fake op-ed by a fake person, but never a real one.
Glenn Davis

In fact…yeah, it was too much. I was marveling at the level of hate, instead of laughing. If I wanted to not laugh and marvel at someone’s level of hate, I’d just listen to…well, you can see where that’s going.
Ted

Thanks for that, haven’t laughed that hard since the Onion did the Glenn Beck bit.
http://lnsmitheeblog.blogspot.com LNSmithee

The Onion is blocked at my job. If it’s as disgusting as folks imply, I guess that’s a blessing in disguise.
http://mediaite.com Steve Krakauer

I’mNotBlue -

A whole website? Really? I thought you had a slightly higher level of nuance than that.
The Real Royal King

I enjoy reading the Onion, and I found this piece amusing. It is a bit over-the-top, I have to admit. However, it is in line with other Onion satires. I enjoyed the part where the Reflective Rush describes his fans along his funeral procession: “collection of sycophants and morons … paying their respects in subliterate, sanctimonious tones.”
RazorsEdge

Hmmm… Steve Krakauer.

Never noticed you had “that” in you! Sorry INB,

But well played Steve, well played.
The Real Royal King

Remember the pre-gastric collar Rush at his blubbery zenith, adorned in an Orson Wells all black ensemble, sweating, wildly and spastically jumping up and down and thrashing his arms all about? That was a self-parody even the Onion couldn’t hope to mimic. I understand Haiti is in desperate need of tents. Rush should be a mensch. Hundreds of people could be housed under that fabric.
The Real Royal King

LNSmithee says:
January 25, 2010 at 4:28 pm

The Real Royal King wrote:

I understand Haiti is in desperate need of tents. Rush should be a mensch. Hundreds of people could be housed under that fabric.

They’re doing fine with Ted Kennedy’s old swim trunks.

—

How nice to joke about a much-adored deceased individual.
Cecelia

Well…berating a fantasized corpse and consigning its spirit to hell does tend to make us uncomfortable, and since its about Limbaugh, some are a little regretful about still feeling uncomfortable…It’s HIS fault, dammit!…

The irony here is that this display of sheer unadulterated disdain for their political contrarians, is the reason Rush LImbaugh has an audience.
http://trickletown.vox.com/ Trickletown

Funny? Not so much. Keith Olbermann would have made a wonderful target of the author’s sentiments.
Cecelia

Are you kidding, Trickletown?…

Everything from avowing that someone is going to hell (an Olbermann tradition) to the description of “an abominable lump of festering dog shit” (so evocative of “mashup meat with lipstick”) sounds like Olbermann wrote it.
SWWT

You’re not supposed to take the Onion seriously.
http://www.karlspensen.blogspot.com Karl Spensen

YES YES YES …. RAGE, RAGE, my fellow Right-Thinking Americans!!!11 This website is clearly written by SOCIOFASCIST Obamessiah toadies, MOCKING and RIDICULING Great American Patriots like Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh on a DAILY BASIS!!!1 And only through our STRONGLY WORDED comments will there be any CHANGE!!!11 So RAGE ON, or in the case of my friend and colleague ImNotBlue, be SNIDE and CONDESCENDING!!!1 These are all WEAPONS in our ARSENAL!!!1 TAKE BACK MEDIAITE, America!!!1
Cecelia

TAKE BACK MEDIAITE, America!!!1[sic]

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Too late. I’ve lost the receipt…
Guest

This is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read. It’s not a question of “winning” against Rush in an argument – the man is undeniably a racist, homophobic asshole who deserves absolutely no sympathy.