As Lena Dunham and a yellow mesh tank top taught us, cocaine is sooo coooool that it can elevate your otherwise obscure club jam into a national millennial anthem. So cool does snorting pure white nose candy look, that, apparently, a swath of middle and high school students have moved on from vodka tamponing and smoking alcohol to snorting Smarties — actual nose candy.
Yes, that shitty roll of dusty hard candies that every child dreads getting in their Halloween bucket, when crushed up real fine, looks just like Bolivian marching powder, and it snorts the same way, too. And this is precisely what America’s schoolchildren are doing at their desks. Don’t believe us? Here’s a video. Please note the flawed cutting technique and also that SHE IS USING A TAMPON AS HER STRAW. Also feel free to discuss why tampons continue to be the vehicle for unconventional drug consumption.
Side effects include: scratched nasal cavity as a result of not chopping up the candy fine enough, and NASAL MAGGOTS. Remember kids: apply your foodie appreciation class knife skills and chop candy with a sharp credit card. Alternatively, don’t snort candy. Wait till you’re a hipster college sophomore and experiment like a normal human.
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