I have a dumb sense of humor. No, I mean it. It is d-u-m-b. I live for stupid novelty Twitter accounts. I cry actual tears over stupid novelty Twitter accounts. You know what, though? I don’t feel bad. On the contrary, I feel great about my dumb sense of humor because I am in good company.
I am in the company of a man who is running to be the president of the United States. No, not Donald Trump. He and I aren’t really into the same sorts of Twitter accounts. Bernie Sanders and I, however, both follow @BernieThoughts, which essentially means we are the same person, right?
It’s hilarious. When you read the @BernieThoughts tweets from Viceland’s Spencer Madsen, you can practically hear them in Sanders’ voice.
This one, for instance…
BOILING IS THE MOST DOMINATING FORM OF COOKING—YOU DROWN YOUR FOOD—IN EXTREME HEAT—AND WATCH IT UNTIL ITS DONE
— Bernie Thoughts (@berniethoughts) May 27, 2016
…is pretty much the essence of what happens in Sanders’ mind, I think.
TOMORROW I WILL CAMPAIGN AND THEN BUY PLANTS TO CALM DOWN
— Bernie Thoughts (@berniethoughts) May 24, 2016
I PLAYED MONOPOLY ONCE AS A CHILD—THAT IS WHY I AM THIS
— Bernie Thoughts (@berniethoughts) May 22, 2016
SAUCE—IT MAKES FOOD WET
— Bernie Thoughts (@berniethoughts) May 16, 2016
“BE BAGEL” I WHISPER TO THE SACKS OF FLOUR I PASS IN THE GROCERY STORE, “BE BAGEL”
— Bernie Thoughts (@berniethoughts) May 6, 2016
MY SCIENCE ADVISOR TELLS ME IT HAS HOOVES AND THERE’S NOTHING I CAN DO pic.twitter.com/I1N5IMz4MK
— Bernie Thoughts (@berniethoughts) April 21, 2016
— Bernie Thoughts (@berniethoughts) April 13, 2016
EVEN IF IT WERE POSSIBLE TO UNDERSTAND THE MECHANICS OF A DOOR HINGE—THE MYSTERY IS MORE COMPELLING
— Bernie Thoughts (@berniethoughts) April 6, 2016
I ENJOY JAPANESE CUISINE BUT I DO NOT TRUST THE MAGIC OF MISO SOUP—YOU STIR IT AND A CLOUD APPEARS INSIDE AS IF SOMETHING HAS AWOKEN
— Bernie Thoughts (@berniethoughts) January 10, 2016
Go check out the account. You won’t be sorry. If it is good enough for the official @SenSanders account to follow, it is good enough for you!
[image via screengrab]
For an endless stream of @BernieThoughts retweets, follow Lindsey on Twitter.
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