Man Legally Named Ed Cocaine Arrested for Xanax Possession; Besmirches Family Name

A Florida judge couldn’t stop giggling yesterday when a man named Ed Cocaine was brought forth during a bail hearing charged with illegal possession of Xanax.

“You know, I thought I’d seen it all,” Judge John Hurley said, after confirming that the name of the man’s driver’s license was, indeed, Edward Cocaine. “How many times have the police told you to step out of the car during your life?”

“Just about every time I get pulled over,” Mr. Cocaine, a normal-looking man, responded.

“But it was my dad’s name, and his dad’s name,” he added.

See, when his great-grandparents came over from the Old Country in the 1920’s, they bore the last name Avakokinis, but, like many immigrants who came through Ellis Island, shortened it to something more American-sounding. And like many immigrants, they had no idea that “cocaine” meant something else. (Hey, at least they got a name that sounded culturally American.)

Though Cocaine was released on his own recognizance, the great-grandson of these brave immigrants dared to take Xanax illegally, forever turning his back on the Cocaine family legacy. Shame on you, Edward Cocaine. Go change your last name to Xanax if you like it so much.

Watch the hearing below via the Sun-Sentinel:

[h/t Gawker]
[Image via screenshot]

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