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Florida Passes Laws On Baggy Pants And Bestiality; Resulting In Best. Lede. Ever.

» 43 comments

Admittedly, there was gold to be mined in this story: new Florida laws on bestiality and baggy pants. Florida, bestiality, baggy pants. That ought to be enough for most halfway proficient writers to serve up something clever. But Brian Hamacher at NBCMiami.com clearly wasn’t going to settle for simply good. He was going for legend, and he hit it.

Probably fueled with Cuban coffee and a sick sense of humor, Hamacher wrote this lede for the story:

“Floridians are going to have to start pulling up their pants and stop having sex with animals soon.”

Take a moment. Savor it. Wish you’d written it.

The article has other great moments, like an explanation that students caught showing their “underwear or butt crack” could face suspensions, and the nugget that this law has been known in Tallahassee as the “droopy drawers bill.”

Well done, Hamacher. But now you’ve raised the bar. How will you top yourself?

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  • The Lantern of Truth

    That’s a very offensive picture of King Obama .

  • writer

    Reminds me of that bit the Man Show used to do. Germany or Florida.

  • Cecelia

    Now if they’ll just go after the butt crack from plumbers and landscapers.

    Crack is whack…

  • THE REAL ROYAL KING

    The Lantern of Truth said:
    That’s a very offensive picture of King Obama .

    Racist pig.

  • LOGICandREASON

    Bestiality ban is OK, but to outlaw saggy baggy pants when nudity is not involved is an overreach by the government.

  • The Lantern of Truth

    THE REAL ROYAL KING said:
    Racist pig.

    Very undude and unusual for Robert to hurl insults .

  • Barack Must Go

    It’s about time.

  • Arthur (Not a Political Comic)

    THE REAL ROYAL KING said:
    Racist pig.

    Won’t be able to have sex with those in Florida anymore, either.

  • writer

    Lantern, that is a rarity. Almost unheard of.

  • nutsofast

    The Lantern of Truth said:
    That’s a very offensive picture of King Obama .

    FU son.

  • http://www.swissarmyjew.com Keeva

    I do love living in this state sometimes.

  • td7456

    Must be the official “Santorum Man on Dog” law!

  • http://www.swissarmyjew.com Keeva

    LOGICandREASON said:
    Bestiality ban is OK, but to outlaw saggy baggy pants when nudity is not involved is an overreach by the government.

    True, but note that the Florida Legislature is veto proof Republican in both houses and our governor is a Tea Party candidate. This is why I am No Party Affiliation. Neither party can stick to governing. They just have to interfere in daily life.

  • skyfet

    I’m amazed at these folks who want less Govt. intrusions in personal life and liberty, but yet love to dictate to people how they should live their life.

  • Barack Must Go

    skyfet said:
    I’m amazed at these folks who want less Govt. intrusions in personal life and liberty, but yet love to dictate to people how they should live their life.

    Pull up those pants and shush.

  • Cecelia

    ?Floridians are going to have to start pulling up their pants and stop having sex with animals soon.”

    Take a moment. Savor it. Wish you’d written it.??

    How about:

    Furry butts not to see light of day in Sunshine State

  • writer

    Those alligators can be so unreasonable.

  • The Lantern of Truth

    writer said:
    Those alligators can be so unreasonable.

    And they say they’ll call , but never do .

  • mlb

    OMG…. Where is Tim Gunn? young people are STILL dressing this way? Clearly a law against stupid fashion was absolutely necessary – now can they ban girls who think they can fit into a size smaller than they can, from wearing tight jeans with a muffin-top hanging over the edge? Ewww!

    Backlash Alert: Plumbers unite with gang members to fight prejudiced law aimed at their comfort and ‘identity’ . We are what we wear, after all.

    As far as bestiality- really? I had no idea this was an issue in Florida. I will refrain from further comment on that one.

  • skyfet

    Barack Must Go said:
    Pull up those pants and shush.

    Deeply inside of you phonies is to become what you claim to despise (Dictators).

  • Barack Must Go

    skyfet said:
    Deeply inside of you phonies is to become what you claim to despise (Dictators).

    What part of shush did you not understand?

  • White Ninja

    Civilization is the progress toward a society of privacy. The savage’s whole existence is public, ruled by the laws of his tribe. Civilization is the process of setting man free from men.— Ayn Rand

    I think the fact that many “conservatives” are cheerleading invasive legislation like this just because they agree with it is only another testament that big government on both federal and state levels is a bad idea. Something to think about.

  • http://www.swissarmyjew.com Keeva

    Barack Must Go said:
    Pull up those pants and shush.

    No, I won’t. I have to live with these idiotic intrusive laws passed by the´”smaller less intrusive” government types. I think, to be fair, they should shush, given the screaming hypocrisy of their promises and actions.

  • http://www.swissarmyjew.com Keeva

    White Ninja said:
    I think the fact that many “conservatives” are cheerleading invasive legislation like this just because they agree with it is only another testament that big government on both federal and state levels is a bad idea. Something to think about.

    Nope again. They are cheerleading it because of who passed it. Again, it is the total hypocrisy. Once elected, they are all the same and both parties are basically the same.

    To suggest some kind of reverse psychology idea is to suggest intelligence where none exists.

  • Thelonious Funk

    How will I rock out with my cock out? Or take my pants off at the dance off?

  • konspikuous

    Absurd waste of time.

  • MrTPar_taY

    “Probably fueled with Cuban coffee and a sick sense of humor, Hamacher wrote this lede for the story”

    Probably fueled with visions of Deliverance is more like it.

  • ScottWhite

    Seriously. What is a “lede”? The lacunae in education of the average Mediaite writer is often as amusing as whatever gaffe it is that you are grimacing about or guffawing over.

  • ScottWhite

    ScottWhite said:
    Seriously. What is a “lede”? The lacunae in education of the average Mediaite writer is often as amusing as whatever gaffe it is that you are grimacing about or guffawing over.

    ScottWhite, you are moron. A lede is a new alternate spelling for “lead” that morons in the late 60s brought in to fashion. The nice folks here at Mediate are just following of lede of their ilk. They didn’t break it; they shouldn’t have to pay for it. Be nice, would you?

  • Glackin

    ScottWhite said:
    Seriously. What is a “lede”? The lacunae in education of the average Mediaite writer is often as amusing as whatever gaffe it is that you are grimacing about or guffawing over.

    “Lede” is a journalistic slang for the introductory sentence or paragraph of an article. It’s a media term. Get it?
    Seriously, you can download a dictionary app to your computer for free. Google has a useful one.

  • Glackin

    How will this law impact the tourism industry?
    People do go to Fla. to hang out and have fun, you know.

  • Gasket

    Baggy pants state law = unconstitutional. It will be tossed out. Gotta love those particular “liberty loving” conservatives aka American Taliban. Why not ban bikinis next…or moustaches?

  • Nacho

    It appears to be just for students while they are in school. They can show their underwear after the bell rings.

    I have no problem with that. Although I never had to, I think all schools K-12 schools should have uniforms.

  • http://dandmb50.wordpress.com/ dandmb50

    @dandmb50 – Very sad indeed, there is not enough the politicians can do in their communities, they have to ban clothing they don’t like? What have we come to, I don’t like the baggy pants, and that is probably exactly why these kids wear them that way. I don’t like Burka’s either and they have banned those in France, (but they disquise a person’s identity) but it says a lot about a society when they start telling people what the “can wear” where does it end? Although we have to wear a suit jacket when we go into a fancy restaurant, but then I just don’t go in.
    But to tell kids they can’t wear baggy pants, is just wrong.
    I guess the only advantage to them or us, is they can’t run from the police when they try to arrest them for wearing “baggy pants” so what’s next, you can’t be over a certain weight because it doesn’t look good?
    We’re going in the wrong direction. Give your heads a shake, and stop wearing ties.
    And to couple it with beastiality, it is just wronger. Kids wearing baggy pants have sex with animals?
    I don’t like wearing a suit, let’s start banning suits? And while you’re at it, ban hats from weddings in England, yikes …..

    Daniel .. Toronto, CANADA
    http://bit.ly/DJbikes

  • piniella

    I recalled that there was some social conservative who not only admitted to having sex with a mule, he said it was normal if you grew up on a farm in Georgia. From Newshounds:

    Last night, anti-abortion extremist Neal Horsley was a guest on The Alan Colmes Show, a FOX News radio program.

    At first, Horsley laughed and said, “Just because it’s printed in the media, people jump to believe it.”

    “Is it true?” Colmes asked.

    “Hey, Alan, if you want to accuse me of having sex when I was a fool, I did everything that crossed my mind that looked like I…”

    AC: “You had sex with animals?”

    NH: “Absolutely. I was a fool. When you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule.”

    AC: “I’m not so sure that that is so.”

    NH: “You didn’t grow up on a farm in Georgia, did you?”

    AC: “Are you suggesting that everybody who grows up on a farm in Georgia has a mule as a girlfriend?”

    NH: It has historically been the case. You people are so far removed from the reality… Welcome to domestic life on the farm…”

  • piniella
  • An Idea

    piniella said:
    The Alan Colmes Show

    If you’re listening to this show , you are clearly a whacko .

  • An Idea

    Gasket said:
    Why not ban bikinis next…or moustaches

    If you are wearing one of these , you can’t wear the other .

  • tiredoftherunaround

    Sorry. Just can’t keep from laughing. That picture reminds me of when I was in…….high school. Baggy pants were in vogue then, too. One particularly gross-acting, thuggy, rude boy began sitting in front of me with his crack almost showing with his baggy pants being proudly worn. I had to look at this every day in class.

    Here I was: Straight-A student, wearing glasses, quiet, polite and meek/conservative as all get out. One day I walked into class with a black eye from a skating accident the night before (was a competitive skater) in which I’d tripped after someone ran into me, broke my glasses and bumped my head. He told me how “turned on” he was seeing me with a black eye and wound on my forehead……..he’d thought I’d been in a fight. That’s just the kind of stupid, hoodlum-type he was. He really meant it and started hanging around me all the time after that. Nothing I did would discourage him.

    In drivers’ education class one day as he was sitting in front of me so he could turn around and flirt/talk with me (gag!), I slowly and deliberately put my foot on the waist of his jeans which was just barely visable as he was sitting in the seat in front of me (the backs of the seat were open), and slowly put pressure on his waistband. When he raised up out of his seat at the end of the class, down went his pants around his knees. He was embarrassed and I tried to keep from smiling. He didn’t sit in front of me again……..can’t remember if he was ever back in that class. Made My day. He left me alone after that.

  • Bill Huggins

    GET BIG GOVERNMENT OUT OF MY PANTS AND LIFE….

    EXCEPT WHEN IT’S A REPUBLICAN PASSING STUPID LAWS TELLING US WHAT TO DO

    HARDCORE SOCIALISM!!!!

  • jakester

    People who wear their pants like that are invariably complete lowlifes. But if they are going to regulate lowlifes, start with even the lower lives on their ugly loud Harleys first. At least some pathetic piece of trash who can’t pull his pants up is not disturbing the peace the way those mindless savages on 2 wheels do.

  • jakester

    An Idea said:
    If you’re listening to this show , you are clearly a whacko .

    If you make mindless comments about Alan Colmes show, a person who is way more reasonable than the right wing talk radio dirtbags who fill your pointy little head with sewage, then maybe you need to stfu. Honestly, people like you need to be reminded often, that while you are entitled to your opinion, since you are a stupid know nothing, your opinion is utterly worthless.

  • AVOR

    It’s about time some cities are starting to do something about those baggy pants . Some of those kids underwear needs to be cleaned, besides, who want to see their butts and perhaps other appendages. Way To Go Florida!!

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