Newspapers Are Considering Pulling Doonesbury Strips About Texas Abortion Law

Jon BershadMar 9th, 2012, 2:25 pm

Recently, the state of Texas began enforcing a law that forces women to have an ultrasound before an abortion. This procedure would involve the woman having a wand inserted inside her even if the abortion is because she was raped which, of course, is exactly the kind of irony and nuance that anyone involved in the abortion debate is physically incapable of seeing. However, you know who are good at seeing irony? Cartoonists! That’s why, next week, Garry Trudeau’s Doonesbury will be running a weeklong series of strips on the subject. However, some newspapers are considering pulling the series and running repeats because of the content. Clearly, this will be the most controversial reproductive rights-related comic strip since Marmaduke got neutered.

So what is the content? Jim Romenesko has a description. Here’s a taste:

“Monday: Young woman arrives for her pre-termination sonogram, is told to take a seat in the shaming room, a middle-aged male state legislator will be right with her.

Tuesday: He asks her if this is her first visit to the center, she replies no, that she’s been using the contraceptive services for some time. He says, ‘I see. Do your parents know you’re a slut?’

Wednesday: A different male is reading to her about the transvaginal exam process.

Thursday: In the stirrups, she is telling a nurse that she doesn’t want a transvaginal exam. Doctor says ‘Sorry miss, you’re first trimester. The male Republicans who run Texas require that all abortion seekers be examined with a 10” shaming wand.’ She asks ‘Will it hurt?’ Nurse says, ‘Well, it’s not comfortable, honey. But Texas feels you should have thought of that.’ Doctor says, “By the authority invested in me by the GOP base, I thee rape.’”

Obviously, this is a very serious issue that deserves to be discussed and illuminated through any means including satire. However, Trudeau should remember that his strip appears in the funnies and, therefore, may be viewed by children.

…Ha! Just kidding. No one born after 1998 has ever heard of a newspaper before!

Director’s Cut: Guys, there’s very little news going on today so I wasted a fairly long time writing different versions of the last sentence in the first paragraph. For an educational peek behind the curtain, here’s a look at some of the different paths I could have chosen. Journalism students take special note.

…since that time Garfield got neutered.
…since that time Cathy thought her legs looked fat in the stirrups.
…since that time Snoopy got neutered.
…since that time Marvin‘s parents got to go back in time and make a different choice.
…since that time both main characters in Mutts got neutered.
…since that time Crankshaft forgot to put a rubber on his crankshaft.
…since that time Hobbes was neutered.
…since that time Dick Tracy forgot to put a rubber on his Dick Tracy.
…since that time The Phantom went up against The Fetus Who Cannot Die.
…since that time Heathcliff got neutered.
…since that time the Family Circus revealed that Billy’s real father was “Not Me”
…since that time all of Bloom County got neutered.
…since that time Loretta Lockhorn refused to bring a child into a loveless marriage.
…since that time Slylock Fox investigated the mystery of how he got neutered.
…since that time Ziggy was mistaken for a giant aborted fetus.
…since that time Mallard Fillmore suicide bombed an abortion clinic.