Boo furloughs! Boo sequestration! Boo Congress triggering their own across-the-board budget cuts as a result of an inability to come to a bipartisan compromise to trim the federal budget and avoid raising the debt ceiling ad infinitum! You might ask, why we, the Bravo-obsessed The Braiser, are protesting the intractability of Congress this morning, since it is not our normal business.
It’s because handsome Sam Kass was furloughed.
Gaze above at the gorgeous face of White House Personal Chef and Senior Nutrition Policy Advisor Sam Kass, and weep, for you might not see it for, uh, most likely two weeks this summer (depending on the level of his security clearance). According to the Huffington Post, he and 480 staffers on the White House budget (cooks, housekeepers, etc.) will be placed on mandatory unpaid leave during the summer as a result of the government-wide sequester, because Kass, unlike a bunch of very important but totally not as handsome meat inspectors, is not important enough to get his own emergency budget authorization vote in Congress.
Woe, the White House shall fall into disrepair and dissolution when Kass is gone (for two weeks): the Kitchen Garden will lie fallow (for two weeks), Michelle Obama will have no one to feed her vegetables (for two weeks), and Justin Timberlake will have to eat his own suit and tie at the White House during fancy dinners (for two weeks). And who will make the White House Beer, so that our Commander-in-Chief can get his executive buzz on?
Behold what you have done, Congress, and see the beautiful pain in the beautiful eyes of Kass. He just wants to get the children to move. You monsters.
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