Go Screw Yourselves, Hollywood: Movie About Emojis Coming to a Theater Near You

This is going to be one of those efforts that Americans everywhere ask in unison, “How the hell that did get made?” and the executives will laugh and shrug all the way to the bank when it actually makes a ton of money.

Favorite hack-target Sony has announced that The Emoji Movie — yes, that’s what it’s really called — has been green lit and is expected to be released August 11, 2017.

“I can’t wait!” said no one.

During this week’s CinemaCon, the president of Sony Pictures Animation Kristine Belson made the reveal by asking the crowd, “Did you know inside your phone there’s a secret world?” She continued, highlighting that each of the individual emojis would be unique characters living inside of “Emoji Valley.”

Other app developers are also in talks to have their products featured in the animated effort, so Apple emojis may not be the only household name brand to make an appearance in the project. The more that solid advertisers with cross-product promotions get involved into the mix, the more you know Sony is going to be rolling in the good stuff:

Is it still too early to tell if this film will be good or not? Of course it is, but that doesn’t mean that everyone won’t spend the next sixteen months bashing the hell out of the project for stupidity and eye-rolling silliness. But let’s remember, many of the big studios have had massive success with animated projects that are more or less in this arena: Fox Studios made a killing with The Lego Movie in 2014, while Pixar hit a homerun with Inside Out just last year. If Sony gets Leo DiCaprio, Meryl Streep, Daniel Day-Lewis, and the ghost of Ingrid Bergman to provide voiceovers for the project, I’ll be the first to write a positive review of The Emoji Movie. But in the meantime, screw you Hollywood. We hate these decisions you make, hate the money you’re going to make from them even more, and hate the fact that we’ll line up around the block to see it the most.

This is an opinion piece. The views expressed in this article are those of just the author.

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