Sleep with one eye open Sammi! Ronnie is creeping and you think he just wants to smush you. This is not, sadly, the case, Sweetheart.

We need to talk about this, and other Situations. But really, what’s the deal with this Ronnie character?

We live in a country now where someone named Jwoww can tell five million people on TV about a certain guy from Long Island who goes by the name Jay 420, and you can then find out exactly what Jay 420 thinks of the mention. And also – he goes by Dr. Jay 420…he didn’t go through years of 420 school to have you drop the Dr.

Also this week we learned about the IFF (not to be confused with the GFA) and how to have a “Snooki Night.”

We see more and more reality shows now than ever, and that means more and more reality “stars.” But which reality TV stars have become actually famous? Here’s our list of the top 10.

Note: to make the list, you had to get your start on a reality show that you technically couldn’t get famous for anyway – American Idol or Project Runway contestants, for example, don’t make the cut.

Jersey Shore is back, and the crew of non-Jerseyites have moved south to Miami, bitch (that will happen all season).

Yesterday we worried if self-awareness would pervade the show, and the fact that the four biggest stars (Jwoww, Snooki, The Situation and Pauly D) were barely involved in the episode one plot proved it true so far. But the crew still made a big mess, so all was forgiven.

We’ve reached a point in our reality TV consumption where we no longer need to actually believe it is real – the suspension of disbelief for shows like The Hills or Real Housewives is as accepted as in professional wrestling.

But what separated MTV’s Jersey Shore when it beat the beat onto the scene in December was how fantastically real it was. As we await the second season premiere tonight, let’s hope this hasn’t changed.

You’re a straight-laced local news anchor used to the typical wholesome news breaks and polite guests talking about their new products. Into your studio walks Jersey Shore’s Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, selling a workout supplement. What do you do?

The news that Jersey Shore‘s breakout male stars graced the cover of yet another publication, shirtless and tan, is no news, but when Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino and company saw themselves smiling from the covers this morning, they were the Village Voice‘s “Queer Issue” cover boys. Surprise? Well, Sorrentino has officially responded to the speculation that he was unaware of his status in the gay community– and he’s totally ok with the chatter.

The Associated Press is now reporting that a New Jersey judge has allowed that against producers of MTV’s Jersey Shore to move forward. Apparently, if you get a bunch of crazy 20-somethings, stuff them with booze, tell them to get in as much trouble as possible, and then exploit the consequences for financial gain, it might be illegal. Here we just thought it was lame, gross and yet, strangely compelling.

The nominees for the 2010 Time 100 are here, just a fourth of the way into the year, chronicling the most influential people in the world. If you’re a glass-half-full kind of person, it tells a tale of unprecedented social mobility in the current pop culture landscape. For the other 90% of us: Snooki?!

Well…at least the conservatives are getting a little more relevant! Probably to appeal to us hip kids these days and make groovy 20-somethings care about Republican opposition to the health care bill, today Rep. Paul Broun released a statement saying, “Snookie, from the Jersey Shore, has more substance than President Obama‘s offer.” Wait, it gets better.

Do you like MTV’s Jersey Shore? If your answer is no, it’s probably because you’re old and cynical – at least according to the MTV Networks President Van Toffler.

That was the implication at a luncheon yesterday when Toffler discussed who MTV’s new audience was, and why Jersey Shore is just perfect for the demographic of choice.

The millions of soccer moms who may have previously been unaware about the smushing that occurred on MTV Thursdays at 10pm were introduced this morning to the cast of Jersey Shore on NBC’s Today show.

It went pretty much how you’d expect – the cast members were themselves, and Meredith Vieira conducted the anthropological exploration as a curious outsider.

The Miss America 2010 Pageant is over, and aside from Miss Virginia Caressa Cameron, the winner was hot-button pop culture references. Miss Alaska made a quick and cheery Sarah Palin takedown, while other contestants skewered Tiger Woods and leathery Jersey Shore star The Situation. Maybe it’s too much to expect world peace.

Dave Itzkoff of the New York Times reports that MTV emailed out a press release at 1:33 am Friday night announcing that the full cast Jersey Shore will be returning for a second season. The second season is planned to air this summer, but the press release warns that the cast will “escape the cold Northeast and find themselves in a new destination.” This does raise the question of why the show should even be called Jersey Shore any more.

The world cannot get enough of Jersey Shore. They’ve been re-upped for a second season, the cast’s appearance fees are off the charts, they’ve got kazillions of followers on Twitter, and they are all going to get a sick payday when they come back for round two. As Sn00ki says: “We are hotter than a dog’s balls right now.”

Well folks, there’s good news and bad news. What would you like to hear first?

Good? Well all signs point to another season of Jersey Shore, and Jwoww threw out the word “Hamptons” at the end of this episode, which would make it a whole new level of amazing. Bad? Last night was the season finale.

With just one more week of Jersey Shore guidoness to go before the national phenomenon concludes next week, MTV gave its viewers two full hours this week.

The Situation fought with Vinny, and Snooki, and Ronnie, and Sweetheart, and Jwoww, and Pauly D got stalked by an Israeli girl. Also: more fighting and hooking up.

If past episodes have been about adventures in love, this episode was about adventures in war.

War between hippos and elephants and grenades and Snookis. War between Ronnie and random guys at the bar. War between Ronnie and Sweetheart (who acted enormously unsweetened this week). And of course, there were Situations.

For those who have erroneously questioned whether these Jersey Shore stars actually do anything, in part because of their obvious poor work ethic in their appointed summer job at the t-shirt store – you were proved wrong on New Years Eve. Pauly D showed just why people call him “DJ Pauly D” – bringing the house down at Karma as only he could. But the true star of the episode was The Situation – and his various anti-climactic situations with females.

New Jersey is not happy with its portrayal on MTV’s popular new reality show Jersey Shore, and its lawmakers are stepping up to take action.

Seriously, there are lawmakers in New Jersey who have the time to focus on this show. Here’s their beef.

Unless you live in a lead-encased cave, you’ve heard all about the punch that decked Snooki, the tiniest cast member of MTV’s controversial new reality show, Jersey Shore. After showing the punch in previews for episode 3, MTV high-mindedly redacted the blow from the actual episode, and ran a PSA-style disclaimer at the end of the show.

“Violence against women in any form is a crime,” the message began, followed by information about getting help for domestic abuse. Scenes from the next episode followed, including this example of MTV’s new commitment to preventing violence against women:

Ronald Russo* from the Bronx is a simple man who lives by one rule. Literally, he has only one rule. “You don’t fall in love at the Jersey Shore,” he says in what looks like an audition tape.

But do you know what happened last night on Jersey Shore? Ronnie broke his rule. And he cried uncontrollably.

How many of Jay Leno‘s five million or so viewers are also part of the two million or so viewers who watch MTV’s Jersey Shore? Any?

Probably not a lot – but last night the two shows converged for an especially jaw-dropping edition of Jersey Shore Jaywalk All-Stars.

It was a sugar-free Red Bull, half-fist pump episode of Jersey Shore this week, as the gang of guidos and guidettes spending their August in Sleezeside Heights, New Jersey took it fairly easy for the majority of the hour-long episode.

Of course, f-bombs were still dropped and outs were still made. Let’s get to the play-by-play.