Alex Trebek Breaks Down in Emotional Update on Cancer Fight: Some Days ‘I Feel Like I Wanna Die’

Jeopardy! host Alex Trebek broke down in an emotional update on his fight with cancer during a Good Morning America interview on Monday — revealing some days he felt like he wanted to die.

Trebek, who has been hosting since the popular quiz show since 1984 and announced he was diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer in March, is now releasing a memoir titled The Answer Is …: Reflections On My Life. 

During an emotional interview with ABC News’ T. J. Holmes, Trebek detailed his battle with cancer, praised his wife’s handling of the situation, and promised he had no intention of leaving Jeopardy!

“She’s a saint. She has so much goodness in her that she is always giving out, always putting out to help me get over difficult moments. And there have been some difficult moments. I’m just in awe of the way she handles it,” Trebek choked up discussing his wife Jean. “There was one day a few weeks ago when Jeanie asked me in the morning, ‘How do you feel?’ And I said, ‘I feel like I wanna die.’ It was that bad.”

Trebek claimed that he only felt that way because he felt like a burden to his wife and his family and that it had nothing to do with their handling of his illness, later admitting that his pain sometimes keeps him up at night.

The host later explained that he decided to write a memoir after receiving love and prayers from his family, friends, and fans, as he figured they might be interested in his journey.

“I’m good at faking it,” he admitted when asked how he has managed to continue hosting, pointing out that even though he’s miserable sometimes, it’s a “good job.”

“It’s something that I can’t explain intellectually,” he added. “At a gut level, without even thinking about it, it just happens. I suddenly wake up and I’m able to perform and handle the show because I like it.”

Trebek revealed the two year anniversary of his survivorship is coming up in February before delving into his progress, explaining that his CA 19 numbers, which are an indicator of progress, have gone from 3,500 to 100.

“So I’m going in the right direction. The doctors have said they have never seen a chart like mine because there are peaks. I said, ‘What do you mean — you don’t — you haven’t — you don’t see that often? What do you usually see?’ They usually see it going up. I’m a bit of an anomaly,” he added.

“So there’s something in the back of my mind that says, ‘Woah, hold on a second, host, breathe. Maybe you’re gonna be around for a little while longer,'” Trebek added. “And that would be so nice.”

Watch above, via ABC.