Jersey Shore, Ep. 4: The Situation With The Situation Becoming Increasingly Clear

Here’s a quote from The Situation about his dating (and really, life) philosophy:

There’s definitely a numbers game when it comes to girls…There’s a possibility that five or six may not answer. Somebody may pick up, but they’re busy. But probably on three and four, they’re probably coming over and I’m going to have to make a decision on which group of girls I want to come over for me and my boy Pauly…As long as you keep calling there will be success in your numbers game. it’s just like anything.

There’s a few things in here that are important. First of all, and this may be all in MTV’s tricky editing, we have not seen The Situation seal the deal with a single female in five hours of television. He’s talked a lot, gotten a lot of numbers, and hot tubbed a bunch. He’s made out with a few girls. But he is a Jersey Shore virgin (the show, obviously, not the location). He’s the most arrogant of the group, but also the most obviously insecure. In his “10 Girls” hypothetical situation, we see something else: he deals with a lot of rejection. He’s saying that out of every 10 numbers he gets, just three or four will actually agree to see him again. And that’s with the given that he’s exaggerating as it is. But he thinks this is a “success.”

Now, Michael “The Situation” Sorrentino has proved in his non-Jersey Shore life that he is self-aware and can be self-deprecating. But what if the reality of Michael Sorrentino is an act, and The Situation is real? It would make more sense. Could it be possible that Sorrentino believes The Situation exists, and he has transformed into his persona to the point that he no longer can correctly comprehend the real world?

Because one of the girls who finally gives in to The Situation’s phone calls and decides to come over to the house is Stephanie. She brings some friends over for The Situation, Pauly D and Vinny, and as Vinny describes them, “They’re not, like, whores.” The Situation is equally, um, complimentary. With Stephanie, he says, “It’s a different situation.”

But here’s what happens. The night comes to a close (no hot tub even!), and The Situation tries to kiss Stephanie goodbye. Creepily, in the dark, while muttering lines he saw on The Pick-Up Artist. But she’s not into it. “I know about stuff,” she says. What she ‘knows’ is revealed in a later conversation between The Situation and Pauly D. “Everybody’s talking about Mikey and Pauly D, The Problem and The Situation, hooking up with everybody,” says The Situation. His reputation has taken a hit so serious he is deemed essentially untouchable by non-“whores”. “That’s so banging,” says Pauly D, and they embrace in bro-love. But for Pauly D things are different – he’s a DJ, he has a pierced penis, he does okay for himself. What does The Situation bring to the table, other than maybe his abs?

You can imagine how this ends. The next day, when he has declared he will go to lunch with Stephanie as well as dinner and thinks he has sufficiently convinced her of his declaration, he calls her after not hearing back on details. But guess what – she doesn’t answer. “9 out of 10 times I’m good with it,” he says, abandoning his whole “10 Girls” theory entirely. This of course, is a lie, like most of what he tells himself is. Stephanie and the idea of “Stephanie” will never be into The Situation, because he believes his own hype while ignoring what is so painfully obvious – his strategy is flawed. And that is a situation.

I didn’t overanalyze this right? Please leave comments.

Two other notable occurrences in the 2nd half of the episode. It ended with a cliffhanger: Vinny, out of nowhere, making out with an older woman who is dating his boss Danny. What will Danny do? My odds are on ‘find another jersey shore girl because he doesn’t care.’

Also, Ronnie dropped an absolutely amazing series of lines in response to Jwoww’s boyfriend sending her some rare flowers, after her boyfriend essentially broke up with her because she cheated on him with Pauly D (and, probably, others). “Jwoww’s pussy must bring rainbows and pots of treasure,” he said. What would Ronnie do if his girlfriend cheated on him? “I would send her a picture of my dick and a pack of bubblegum and say ‘Chew on this.'”

The Situation discusses dating, Ronnie drops the quote of the series:

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