Was John Cena ACTUALLY Nude During Academy Award Costumes Bit?
During Sunday night’s Oscars ceremony, it appeared that John Cena, former WWE wrestler and current actor, was totally naked onstage save for a pair of Birkenstocks. But as backstage photos revealed, his bits were actually all under wraps.
The bit between host Jimmy Kimmel and Cena was meant to pay homage to the 50th anniversary of the streaker who ran across the Oscar stage behind David Niven in 1974. But Cena was a little too shy to go through with it, which made for what has to be the first time someone has ever said the word “jorts” during an Oscar broadcast. Instead, Cena crab-walked out onto the stage to present the award for costume design, holding a giant envelope to shield his bits from the censors.
There was no sign of any visible garment, no strings that would indicate a thong. So maybe it was a sock? Or maybe Cena was letting his penis swing wild and free behind the envelope as it silently taunted “YOU CAN’T SEE ME” in a classic, mid-Atlantic accent. (Because even John Cena’s penis knew it was the Academy Awards and would not, could not, defy etiquette on this most celebrated evening.)
The answer: patches. Backstage photos revealed that Cena had flesh-colored patches over his genitals and his butt, because this was the Academy Awards, ladies and gentlemen. (Golden Globes would have let the butt patch slide, probably.)
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But what this means is that now we get to speculate on the patches. Who made them? Are they designer? Are these Gucci patches or Christian Louboutin? The latter is an exciting possibility because that means the interior might be red! Maybe the patches have skincare benefits and Cena’s walking around while getting a chemical BBL. I’d posit that maybe they’re microneedle patches, but that feels like a bit much for the frontal region. The things we do for beauty, though — I wouldn’t put it past Hollywood to microneedle genitals.
Watch the video above via ABC.
