Let’s play “Bad SNL sketch or real story”: Virginia police are trying to determine whether a 17-year-old boy sent a video of his penis to his 15-year-old girlfriend, and would like him to provide a verified photo of his erect penis to compare with their evidence.
Yes, this is real life.
After the girl’s mother complained about the video to Manassas City police, the boy was initially brought before court, but his case was dismissed because the prosecution forgot to certify that he was a juvenile. However, police filed new charges and obtained a search warrant to search his home, and also his erect penis:
The case was set for trial on July 1, where Foster said Assistant Commonwealth’s Attorney Claiborne Richardson told her that her client must either plead guilty or police would obtain another search warrant “for pictures of his erect penis,” for comparison to the evidence from the teen’s cell phone. Foster asked how that would be accomplished and was told that “we just take him down to the hospital, give him a shot and then take the pictures that we need.”
After some fighting, the boy was allowed to leave the state to visit relatives, and without having to be have dick pics taken by the cops — but he’s due back in court next week. “I don’t mind trying the case,” the boy’s defense lawyer told the Post. “My goal is to stop the search warrant. I don’t want him to go through that. Taking him down to the hospital so he can get an erection in front of all those cops, that’s traumatizing.”
And really, how are they going to compare penises? Apparently, with some CSI-level ENHANCEing:
Foster said Detective Abbott told her that after obtaining photos of the teen’s erect penis he would “use special software to compare pictures of this penis to this penis. Who does this? It’s just crazy.”
[The Washington Post]
[Image via Shutterstock]
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