Roy Moore just conducted a bizarre press conference in which he was introduced as “the candidate we dream of.”
The Alabama Senate candidate, who has been repeatedly accused of sexually assaulting minors, used the opportunity to tout his defiance to both major political parties.
He also began his remarks by talking about hemorrhoids.
To the uninitiated, hemorrhoids are engorged blood vessels that hang out in your butt and make life a living hell. Here is what Moore had to say about them, live on national television.
The anecdote started with Moore describing his early days on the bench, with a seasoned veteran telling him he needed to invest in some eyeglasses, so as to appear smart, and needed to have gray or thinning air, to show experience.
The third thing he needed? Hemorrhoids.
“You have to have one other thing,” Moore quoted the judge. “You have to have hemorrhoids.”
“It gives you a concerned look.”
The audience burst into laughter, though folks on Twitter were a bit more cautious, with many simply confused as to why Moore would tell such a strange story after being accused of such serious acts.
Roy Moore is talking about… hemorrhoids
— Emily C. Singer (@CahnEmily) November 16, 2017
Roy Moore is talking about hemorrhoids. This is not a test.
— Chris Cillizza (@CillizzaCNN) November 16, 2017
— Shefali S. Kulkarni (@shefalikulkarni) November 16, 2017
Roy Moore’s speech about hemorrhoids was interesting. Reminder that he was banned from both the mall and the YWCA for harassing women: https://t.co/ToHXBUsbWV
— Shannon Watts (@shannonrwatts) November 16, 2017
Roy Moore vanishes into the night, fleeing on the gossamer wings of hemorrhoids
— Chris Mohney (@chrismohney) November 16, 2017
— Michael Castner (@MichaelCastner) November 16, 2017
Roy Moore just actually said that we have to “stop judicial supremacy” after he’s been twice defrocked as Alabama’s Chief Justice for violating the Constitution.
He said that honesty isn’t important in politics, but you need glasses and hemorrhoids.
Moore ducked all questions. pic.twitter.com/WNsUEoQD3z
— Grant Stern (@grantstern) November 16, 2017
If you missed the press conference, here’s what we learned:
-Roy Moore doesn’t have hemorrhoids
-Roy Moore thinks Mitch McConnell is the one who should step down
— Josh Billinson (@jbillinson) November 16, 2017
Turned on the TV only to hear Roy Moore say the word “hemorrhoids” a few times. Alright TV back off.
— Jon Hansen (@jonthecubsfan) November 16, 2017
"It can't get any worse. Just don't go out there and talk about hemorrhoids on live TV." – Roy Moore strategist probably.
Two minutes later: pic.twitter.com/P2iitRvoTf
— Jason Howerton (@jason_howerton) November 16, 2017
It must be noted, this was a press conference in the loosest sense of the word. Moore managed to dodge all questions about the allegations.
[image via screenshot]
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