This Exists: The Center For Disease Control Posts Plan For Zombie Invasion Strategy


Well, this may be only the second oddest publicity-garnering move this week but it’s just as successful. The Center for Disease Control has posted an article instructing readers on how they can be prepared for a zombie apocalypse. You know, with the brain eating and the shuffling and stuff. For reals. And, apparently, there are a whole lot of people looking for this information (or just like zombies), because the article has been loading at a snail’s pace all day. I guess we should be glad people are going to be prepared?

Ok, now before someone goes crazy and starts calling for the CDC’s funding to be pulled or something, it should be noted that this article’s basically a joke. You can tell that because the author says her favorite zombie movie is Resident Evil (come on, seriously?). More than that, it’s actually a sneaky way to secretly get people to learn about actual disease outbreaks with the article beginning with the promise that “you’ll be happy you read this, and hey, maybe you’ll even learn a thing or two about how to prepare for a real emergency.” So basically it’s like those videos with that use adorable cartoons to teach kids about not smoking weed. That being said, it’s still pretty funny.

So what should we do when the walking dead or zombies or ghouls or Michele Bachmann or whatever you want to call them start walking the earth?

From the CDC:

    1. Identify the types of emergencies that are possible in your area. Besides a zombie apocalypse, this may include floods, tornadoes, or earthquakes. If you are unsure contact your local Red Cross chapter for more information.

    2. Pick a meeting place for your family to regroup in case zombies invade your home…or your town evacuates because of a hurricane. Pick one place right outside your home for sudden emergencies and one place outside of your neighborhood in case you are unable to return home right away.

    3. Identify your emergency contacts. Make a list of local contacts like the police, fire department, and your local zombie response team. Also identify an out-of-state contact that you can call during an emergency to let the rest of your family know you are ok.

    4.Plan your evacuation route. When zombies are hungry they won’t stop until they get food (i.e., brains), which means you need to get out of town fast! Plan where you would go and multiple routes you would take ahead of time so that the flesh eaters don’t have a chance! This is also helpful when natural disasters strike and you have to take shelter fast.

    All good advice and it’s nice that the CDC is finding cool ways to teach people. That being said, they should probably point out that not every tactic used in a zombie outbreak also works for normal diseases. For instance, there’s no need to shoot small pox victims with shotguns.

    (h/t A.V. Club)

    Have a tip we should know?

Filed Under: