The Onion Mocks ‘Humane’ Executions with New ‘Head-Ripping-Off Machine’

The recent botched execution in Oklahoma has rekindled the debate about whether lethal injection is a “humane” style of execution, with some politicians calling for the reinstitution of the electric chair or firing squad.

The Onion News Network had some fun with all these proposals when it mock-reported on Ohio’s new “head-ripping-off machine,” which plays soothing white noise as talons coated in local anesthetic grip the neck of an inmate and yank it off.

RELATED: Let John Oliver Explain How the Death Penalty Is Like the McRib

The blood-spattered prison officials who appeared at the press conference afterward testified to its effectiveness. “I’ve never seen anything that fast,” the fake warden said.

Rumors that the death penalty is inherently barbaric went unconfirmed at press time.

Watch the video below, via ONN:

[h/t Onion News Network]

[Image via screengrab]

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