Turn your minds way, way back to October 2000. Bush and Gore were racing toward the finish line when beer company Sam Adams polled the American people about which candidate they’d prefer to have a beer with. Teetotaler George W beat Gore 40% to 37%. Regardless of how you feel about how the election turned out, it seems that when choosing a drinking companion, America picked wisely because Ol’ W was apparently hilarious when he was on the sauce.

In a shocking turn of events, Glenn Beck got a little angry on his Wednesday night show. His enemies for the evening? A self-published sci-fi anthology called Machine of Death Keith Richards and what Beck labeled as our “culture of death.”

It seems that Beck’s newest book Broke raced up the Amazon.com charts when it was released on Tuesday but was denied top spot billing by Machine of Death, an illustrated collection of short stories. To add insult to injury, Keith Richards‘ memoirs occupied the second slot, forcing Broke to #3.

Scientists from Harvard and the University of California San Diego have discovered what they’re calling the “Liberal gene.” Of course, the science behind the finding is more complicated than discovering a tiny vegan gene driving a hybrid with a “Coexist” bumper sticker.

James Fallows of the Atlantic and Ben Smith of Politico are both covering the “Chinese Professor” attack ad from Citizens Against Government Waste (video below).

Yesterday a Belgium court sentenced schoolteacher Els Clottemans to 30 years for murdering her romantic rival by sabotaging her parachute, ending a bizarre and fascinating saga of love, murder, and skydiving.

Clottemans, who was diagnosed by a court psychiatrist as psychopathic, narcissistic and manipulative, had been dating Marcel Somers, a Dutch skydiving teacher. Somers was also seeing Els Van Doren, who was married to a Flemish jeweler. In 2006, all three were members of an East Flanders parachuting club.

Talking Points Memo is reporting that on March 15th 2010 that Virgina Beach GOP Chairman David Bartholomew sent an email with the subject line “my dog.” The email went public on Tuesday and Bartholomew resigned his post on Wednesday. The contents of the email were as follows:

Are you one of those people who are always threatening to move to Canada, home of universal healthcare, relaxed drug laws, and adorable vowel sounds? Do you also hate children? Then Winnipeg is the city for you! (At least according to the following political ad.)

Meet Phoenix resident Irmgard Holm. She had cataract surgery last year and needs medicated eye drops. For some reason, she keeps a small squeeze bottle of superglue next to the eye drops.

You can see where this is going.

A Tennessee fire department’s decision to let a house burn after the homeowner failed to pay a $75 firefighting fee has inspired an intense debate about the intersection of governmental and personal responsibility. Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association weighs in with a perspective that has thus far been missing from the conversation, the Christian perspective. What would Jesus do? Let the mother****er burn apparently.

In the clip below, New Zealand TV presenter and caterwauling moron Paul Henry has a bit of a laugh over the name of Delhi Chief Minister Sheila Dikshit. “What’s her name? Dick- shit?” Henry howls. “And it’s so appropriate because she’s Indian so it should be dick-in-shit, wouldn’t it?”

Pretend for a minute that you are an environmental interest group. You want to create an ad campaign expressing the importance of global stewardship, of conversation and preservation for future generations. How do you do this?

Blow up some children.

New York gubernatorial candidate and Tea Party darling Carl Paladino spoke with Fox News’ Megyn Kelly today about Paladino’s greatest hits of recent days: his dust-up with Fred Dicker of the New York Post and his accusations that Andrew Cuomo had extra-martial affairs.

Remember three days ago, when gubernational candidate and viral video superstar Carl Paladino responded to questions about his affair by shooting back, “Has anybody asked Andrew Cuomo about his paramours?” Campaign manager clarified Michael Caputo, “when he was married.” Today Paladino is clarifying that he was speaking rhetorically, telling Buffalo News that he was just, “sick and tired of people asking me about if I’ve had affairs.”

Remember Mark Foley, the former Republican Representative who resigned in 2006 after aggressively macking on young, male Congressional pages? Wonkette reports that he’s now a real estate agent and he’s on twitter, with an account (twitter.com/markfoleyfla) that reads like an Arthur Miller ode to the life that passed him by.

Tired of the raging and screaming that accompanies any discussion of Muslims in America? Feast your eyes on this radically reasonable report on hijabs from ABC News’ “Islam in America” series. Reporter Bianna Golodryga first discusses the issue with a panel of hijab-wearing American women, who stress that wearing the hijab was a personal choice and part of their “Muslim-American identity.” She then puts one on herself to explore the responses she gets in different areas of the country.

Breaking News: Actress With Drug Problem Fails Drug Test. TMZ is reporting that Lindsay Lohan failed a drug test last week.

Lohan, however, is denying it.

The Middle East peace progress has always been delicate, fraught with tensions and complexities that trip up all but the most skilled diplomats. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is working hard to make significant progress before Israel’s settlement freeze expires at the end of the month.

In this ABC News report, Senior National Correspondent Claire Shipman explores why Clinton may succeed where so many others have failed and “how she may be bring something different to this Middle East process.” Her magical lady-ness!

The Daily Beast’s Shushannah Walshe is reporting that Sarah Palin and her team are making definitive steps toward a 2012 Presidential run.

Through Palin has resisted making concrete statements about her intentions, the opinions of those closest to her are a good indicator. Those involved in her crew, SarahPAC, are a loyal bunch and no one talks to the press without the approval of the boss. Her top aide Rebecca Mansour says, “She respects her team and her team respects her and we’ve learned that she knows what she’s doing.” A former 2008 staffer put it more bluntly, “she is attracted to people who are going to take a bullet for her because she really will ask you to one day.”

It could be the cold open for CSI: The Bahamas. An investment banker is deep-sea fishing on a beach where Jaws: The Revenge was filmed. He catches a 12 foot tiger shark. He reels it in. A human left leg pops out of the shark’s mouth. The body of the shark is opened up to reveal a right leg, two severed arms and a human torso.

Sha Zukang, China’s top U.N. Diplomat and the UN undersecretary general for Economic and Social Affairs, doesn’t like his boss or his colleagues and had a bit too much to drink at a work retreat.

Foreign Policy reports that Sha went on a 15 minute drunken ramble while attending a dinner for top U.N. officials in the Swiss Alpine resort town of Alpbach. After taking the stage, he warned the audience that “wine affected me a little…I want to say something that’s on my mind.”

In a case of life imitating art imitating life, former Prime Minister Tony Blair has been accused of stealing material from his fictional self. In his recently released memoir A Journey, Blair recounts a 1997 conversation with Queen Elizabeth II. Upon meeting Blair, the Queen remarked. “You are my 10th prime minister, Mr. Blair. My first was Winston Churchill.” The moment will be familiar to anyone who’s seen the award-winning 2006 movie, The Queen staring Helen Mirren and Michael Sheen. The problem? According to screenwriter Peter Morgan, the conversation was make believe.