Last Call: Just As We Suspected, Squids Are Terrorists

TIME: A Chinese fishmonger finds a live bomb inside a squid, which just goes to prove what we’ve always believed: squids are the terrorists of the ocean, waiting to launch sea-based jihad against us decadent land-dwellers. A sea-had, if you will.

The New York Times: Editor Melissa Clark gripes about and celebrates the eating habits of her four-year-old daughter, who will only eat pale foods. What are “pale” foods, precisely? Foods like rice pudding, and pasta, and pizza, and sheets of paper, and wisps of moonbeam, to be exact.

Grub Street: In what is possibly the cutest way to review a restaurant, New York Magazine takes two Italian nonnas to review Carbone’s,the new-fangled Italian restaurant that is supposed to be exactly like an old-fangled red sauce joint from the ’50s. Spoiler alert: nonnas have standards.

Reddit: User Ordet735 finds a pathetic order of chicken nachos in a restaurant, as well as someone who does not deserve to be a chef.

Entertainment Weekly: Looks like Zero Point Zero and Anthony Bourdain are doing another travel series — this time, with all their celebrity friends! Joel McHale, Aziz Ansari, Aisha Tyler, and Eve are in this trailer for The Getaway, which seems like The Layover but with the cast of every show we’ve ever loved, ever.

Zagat: Sometimes, Masaharu Morimoto just wants to quit Iron Chef. But then he realizes that his job is kind of like being the Highlander, in that there is only one Iron Chef America Japan, and he must always defend his life against the others. There can be only one, dudes.

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