Did Tucker Carlson Run a Segment About Sex-Crazed Pandas? Yes, Yes He Did
On a night in which he criticized CNN for treating the breaking news of the FBI raiding Trump attorney Michael Cohen’s office like, well, breaking news, Fox News’ Tucker Carlson his program Monday night with a segment about sex-crazed pandas.
No, that is not a typo. The conservative commentator devoted the end of his show to a story on how pandas are really sex-obsessed killing machines.
“You know the official story about pandas — they’re cute but adorably helpless,” Carlson said. “Which is why they are almost extinct. But like a lot of what we hear, that is a lie.”
The Fox News host went on to cite a recent Wall Street Journal report that stated “the real panda is a secret stud with a thirst for flesh and a fearsome bite.” After explaining that pandas “could easily kill you if they felt like it,” Carlson pointed out that male pandas love sex but just hate “unsexy zoos.” But in the wild, per Tucker, males will have sex as much as 40 times in a single afternoon. (Yes, all this was really said.)
Twitter, obviously, had an absolute field day with the segment, especially considering Carlson largely avoided the big Cohen news during his show:
For those still in disbelief that Tucker Carlson was talking about pandas instead of Trump’s attorney getting raided by the feds pic.twitter.com/UP0IaappUA
— Timothy Burke (@bubbaprog) April 10, 2018
THANK YOU, Tucker Carlson, for keeping us informed tonight about all of the big news. America needs patriots like yourself who are willing to tell the truth, even when it is hard. pic.twitter.com/wk8PzmIohW
— Judd Legum (@JuddLegum) April 10, 2018
Tucker is on one tonight pic.twitter.com/XqnG92LBAN
— Max Tani (@maxwelltani) April 10, 2018
Since people are asking, yes, Tucker Carlson is running a Panda Sex story tonight. https://t.co/5Jh19jtlyX
— Jeet Heer (@HeerJeet) April 10, 2018
When the pee-tape drops, Tucker Carlson will start running explicit kangaroo porn.
— Jeet Heer (@HeerJeet) April 10, 2018
<puts toddler to bed, changes baby diaper while wife showers, makes toddler lunch, toddler wakes up, puts back to bed>
<glances at phone>
<700 mentions sending me tucker nympho panda>
— Kilgore Trout (@KT_So_It_Goes) April 10, 2018
i am speechless… i am without speech pic.twitter.com/JzCG3PZx1t
— David Mack (@davidmackau) April 10, 2018
Wait, was there a fucking panda bear in the offices of the President’s attorney when federal agents came charging in with that warrant? Or is Tucker Carlson the exact opposite of a journalist and his broadcast the Platonic ideal of gibbering insanity? https://t.co/2GloibNl1K
— David Simon (@AoDespair) April 10, 2018
This is a real Fox News segment https://t.co/NVEFdIuhK8
— Liam Stack (@liamstack) April 10, 2018
I’m trying to tweet something witty about this but I keep looking at it, cracking up and having to start over pic.twitter.com/TQsGvfoBBP
— Sulome Anderson (@SulomeAnderson) April 10, 2018
honestly this is good. if tucker carlson focused his show on anthropomorphizing various quirks of animal behavior we’d all be better off https://t.co/KTQyvDXKPP
— shrillmonger (@theshrillest) April 10, 2018
Worked way better with the music. pic.twitter.com/GYPtRchlpx
— Jim Swift (@JSwiftTWS) April 10, 2018
Watch the clip above, via Fox News.
[image via screengrab]
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