Finally: CNN Explains Cause Of Aflockalypse Dead Bird Mystery

Forget everything you’ve heard about the recent mass bird deaths in Arkansas; CNN has finally found why they died. Spoiler alert: It has nothing to do with Sarah Palin.

The network cites a new report saying that he birds died of blunt force trauma, sustained after flying into stationary objects. You’ll recall that, earlier, one probable cause of death offered by experts on the disgusting things animals do held that the birds, frightened and disoriented by New Year’s Eve fireworks, flew into one another at high speeds, showering those below with festive New Year feathers and other assorted bird bits.

CNN’s Brooke Baldwin was so excited at finding out why the critters exploded over Arkansas that she teased the segment via Twitter. Which was fortunate, or else we would have risked missing this story entirely.

New: The Mediaite One-Sheet "Newsletter of Newsletters"
Your daily summary and analysis of what the many, many media newsletters are saying and reporting. Subscribe now!