‘I Cast Detect Lie on Climate Scientists’: Twitter Trolls GOP with Dungeons and Dragons-Themed Hashtag
You may have noticed a weird hashtag trending on Twitter over the last few days, and if you aren’t of the — how to put this delicately — old-school nerd variety you may not totally understand the joke.
Someone took to the microblogging platform a few days ago with the particular inspired idea of casting the GOP in a game of Dungeons and Dragons. D&D, as it’s lovingly abbreviated, is a decades old role-playing game where someone acting as the Dungeon Master narrates the player’s journey of might and magic (and whimsy and wonder), guiding them through various battles, obstacles, and adventures. Play is advanced by rolling specific multi-sided dice to determine if your chosen action hits, misses, or kills you instantly (among the many possible outcomes). Basically, think of your favorite RPG video game — D&D is it’s great-grandfather.
Taking all of this into consideration, #GOPdnd was born. And the results are hilarious. (Be sure to get your saving throws up before reading, as you may hurt yourself from laughing too hard.)
DM: Global warming ravaged the village’s crops
GOP: I cast “Detect Lie” on climate scientists
GOP: I attack the scientists#GOPDnD
— Robert McNees (@mcnees) March 26, 2017
— Steve (@SteveXposed) March 28, 2017
DM: Few peasants craft because golems do it all
PC: *rolls speech* I convince them gnomes stole their jobs
DM: I said go-
— Lydia Neon (@LifeInNeon) March 27, 2017
GOP: I cast “Summon Infowars”
DM: A Gibbering Mouther appears
GOP: I ask it for news
DM: [rolls die] You go insane
GOP: I retweet it#GOPDnD
— Robert McNees (@mcnees) March 28, 2017
DM: The village leader offers his hand-
Trump: Grapple check.
Trump: I grapple his hand.
DM: It’s a HANDSHAKE. #GOPDnD
— Monica Ayhens-Madon (@peripateticacad) March 26, 2017
Party: We want to buy healing potions.
GM: Okay, 50g for men, 150g for women.
GM: Women need a scroll from their cleric.
— Tony Beeman (@tinybeeman) March 23, 2017
GM: A villager approaches your paladin, asking you to heal his child.
GOP: Does he look weathly?
GOP: He hasn’t earned it.#GOPDnD
— James D’Amato (@OneShotRPG) March 17, 2017
DM: “The villagers are starving.”
Cleric: “I cast Create Food & Water!”
Paladin: “Don’t. You’ll create a culture of dependency!” #GOPDnD
— Chris Pramas (@Pramas) March 20, 2017
DM: Betsy DeVos is name to the head of the Wizard’s Council. All wizards lose 5 INT and get +3 against bears. #GOPDnD
— Jason Peters (@bledderag) March 18, 2017
GOP: Cast Nepotism
DM: That’s against the rules
GOP: Cast IgnoreRules
DM: Look, are you going to play this game or not? #gopdnd
— Catalina Feloneous® (@feloneouscat) March 27, 2017
GOP: I cast a spell to ban elves from the 7 realms.
*fails difficulty check*
GOP: …6 realms.
*fails difficulty check*#GOPDnD
— Martha (@marthamatical) March 17, 2017
DM: You see a dragon you’ve wanted to slay for 7 yrs
GOP: I rush in & attack blindly
DM: You’re devoured.
GOP: All part of the plan #GOPDnD
— Shaun Jex (@shaunmjex) March 26, 2017
Warrior: I’m dying from a curse
DM: 14000 gold
Warrior: I can’t afford–
DM: You shouldn’t have bought that new iron sword then#GOPDnD
— Chris Matz (@ThanosWasFramed) March 28, 2017
DM: For this quest you must punish the most wicked of creatures.
PC: Poor villagers?
DM: What? No.
PC: Pregnant villagers?#GOPDnD
— Burf Diddy (@FerdBurfel) March 26, 2017
Female NPC: Do you want to have a handshake?
GOP: I cast invisibility.
DM: *Rolls* That didn’t work. She still sees you.#gopdnd
— Chris Morley (@Depahelix) March 18, 2017
Player: I’m the best dice roller. Nobody rolls higher than me. My stats are all 20s.
DM: Can I see your character sheet?
— How do I Tweeter? (@vexingthoughts) March 17, 2017
DM: You enter the swamp and encounter a giant leech
GOP: I offer it a job
DM: You encounter a harpy
GOP: She can sit on the couch#gopdnd
— Chris Johnson (@Krisjohn) March 28, 2017
“Make a Constitution saving throw, America.”#GOPdnd
— Deja (@amusedalpaca5) March 24, 2017
DM: Replace is pulled
GOP: Blame Dems
DEM: We asked for a vote
GOP: Cast KellyanneConway
DM: Bowling Green has another massacre#gopdnd
— Catalina Feloneous® (@feloneouscat) March 28, 2017
DM: The Obamacare Dragon steps from the cave.
GOP: I slay it.
*rolls a 3*
DM: A miss.
GOP: I give up.
DM: The dragon saves the town.#GOPDnD
— Douglas Eboch (@dougeboch) March 25, 2017
DM: The party is on fire
GOP: I pour oil on us
DM: 18 dmg
GOP: More oil
DM: 24 dmg
All: Stop pouring oil!
GOP: Prove oil causes fire#GOPDnD
— Douglas Eboch (@dougeboch) March 26, 2017
DM: You’ve finally found the dragon. What do you do?
GOP: I cast Win.
DM: That’s not a spell.
GOP: I go golfing. #GOPDnD
— Fix Democracy First (@PeterTWalsh) March 26, 2017
While understanding the finer points of D&D may help you understand, the jokes are all pretty self-explanatory. It’s also a great allegory for putting our modern-day feudalism into stark terms.
[image via screengrab]
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