Remember when I said Media Matters’ case against Major Garrett‘s front row bid was thin compared to their usual work? This is what I was talking about. The liberal media watchdog launched a hilariously thorough barrage of research at Dr. Kevin Pezzi, who says he was sought out by Big Government founder Andrew Breitbart to write about Shirley Sherrod.
While some of Media Matters’ dossier on Pezzi centers around offensive things like his use of terms like “chink” and “jap,” and his contention that slavery was actually a big favor to black people, the whole thing veers off into weird territory with these hilarious nuggets:
- “A government official once claimed that Dr. Pezzi achieved the highest score ever attained on an IQ test administered nationwide, although Pezzi dismisses this as disingenuous pandering.” [Link]
- “He has beaten Bill Gates, an acknowledged math and computer genius who is Chairman of Microsoft, Inc. and the richest man in the world, on a test of mathematical ability and logic.” [Link]
- He has “information about a new cure” for cancer [Link]
- He “declined an offer to go on a blind date with Katie Couric,” because, in part, “my political beliefs would clash with Katie’s well-known liberal bias” and “Katie’s career will keep her in New York (or some similar megalopolis) for the indefinite future. I can’t stand cities.” [Link]
- His “penis size went from embarrassingly small (at least to me) to bigger than some porno stars.” [Link]
Pezzi is, apparently, also a crusader in the war against loose vaginas (vaginae?), having developed “several ways to tighten the vagina.” My guess is that the #1 technique is to be Kevin Pezzi. In fact, I’m betting that one paragraph of this guy is enough to make the average vagina slam shut like a panic room.
It goes on like that for over 4,000 words, every one a bizarre, priceless gem. I actually felt sorry for the guy by the time they got to the sock puppet social media accounts.
Update: Big Government posts a mea sorta culpa, but gives Media Matters and Kevin Pezzi the Voldemort treatment:
Earlier this week, we read an on-line column which provided one of the most thorough and well-researched examinations of the many controversies surrounding former USDA employee Shirley Sherrod. We asked the author of the column for permission to reprint his article. Since publishing the articles, we have been made aware of other writings from this author which do not reflect the principles and values of this site. Because of this, we have removed the articles from Big Government. While we stand by the information contained in the articles we published, we do not wish to see the underlying issue confused or diminished by other work the author has done. We regret the error.
While not naming Pezzi, or crediting Media Matters for “one of the most thorough and well-researched examinations of the many controversies surrounding former” Big Government author Kevin Pezzi, is pretty weak, I’m sure they have still earned the gratitude of vaginas (vaginae?) everywhere.
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