Jersey Shore Returns! Angelina Is “Classy,” Ronnie Is “Sloppy Joe”

The whole crew is excited to explore the Miami nightlife, led by The Situation explaining that when he refers to “MIA” he really just means Miami. In the females’ cab on the way to the club, the mood is somber as Sammi discusses her feelings for Ronnie. “I just feel like, I don’t know,” she said. “I know how you feel,” said Snooki. Seriously.

Then all hell breaks loose. Angelina, in trying to do what it takes to be cool with everyone instigates a fight and Jwoww wonders aloud if she would like to “take this shit outside?” Angelina decides against getting beaten up by Jwoww, but also, she’s “way too classy for bullshit.”

Ronnie is wasted, and yelling at Sammi: “You been through enough? You haven’t been through shit!” This continues in the cab home, through what looks like might be a tear or two. “Ronnie’s obliviated at this point and he ends calling Sammi the c-word which is the worst thing you can call a girl,” explained Vinny. (Clearly ‘obliviated’ is the o-word.)

While Sammi goes home to go to bed, the four guidos and Angelina decide to go to B.E.D. At the club, Ronnie continues consuming mass quantities of Ron-Ron Juice, culminating with a series of hook-ups. The Situation gives Ronnie his first real nickname, “Sloppy Joe,” and explains the hook-up situation. “Ronnie’s at the club hooking up with grenades, ok that is a bigger ugly chick,” he said (we knew this from season one). “And then, also landmines, that is a thin ugly chick, and loving life.”

The closing scene played out with Sammi in the diary room lamenting how her life “doesn’t end like a fairytale ends,” while Ronnie is shown triple-kissing with two landmines. Jwoww knew what was up: “Ron’s probably getting it in right now.” In the preview for the rest of the season, Vinny wonders “did I bang Snooki last night,” Angelina is shown sparring with Snooki, Jwoww slaps Sammi and Snooki hurts her vagina on a fake horse, but ‘likes it.’

They’re back, finally.

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