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TMZ Special Report: BP CEO Tony Hayward Eats At Lunchtime, Stands Next To Lady

by Frances Martel | 1:02 pm, July 10th, 2010

» 4 comments

Remember Tony Hayward, the cartoonishly detached BP CEO that provided the only temporary relief (in the form of relentless mockery) from the unending agony of the BP oil disaster? He’s back, unfortunately, and he’s eating seafood. Even more scandalous, there was a pretty girl within thirty feet of him while he did it! TMZ has the Pulitzer-worthy investigation.

Gawker did the dirty work of reading TMZ to pick up on this amazing piece of bulletproof journalism: at some point during the last month, Tony Hayward visited a bar in Houston, picked out the most offensive thing on the menu (seafood), ate it with some non-alcoholic cranberry juice, and left. Somewhere along the line, this attractive woman appeared in Hayward’s proximity, which extensive (Google) research suggests is not his wife. They even found a receipt which confirms his crimes against the ocean, and his Ph.D. for some reason!

Well, first thing’s first: those pictures in no way prove that the woman in the foreground of the shot is even remotely aware of Hayward, much less that she is his lover. The receipt does say he has a guest, but it would make sense that he is working with other people on the job, and, again, that proves nothing. As sexy as the “Tony Hayward is a pimp” talking point would be, TMZ is going to have to do better than depth perception distortion during lunch time to make that story fly.

And then there’s the salacious subplot of Hayward having the gall to eat seafood when he killed our entire seafood industry. Actually, eating Gulf coast seafood is about one of the only good things Tony Hayward has been caught doing since this whole mess started, and it speaks volumes that he never even intended to make a public show of it (let’s just say PR isn’t Hayward’s forte). The seafood industry down there is in shambles, as is the restaurant and tourism industry, so in the pantheon of great moments in Tony Hayward buffoonery, this one actually contradicts his status as a heartless British prince and may actually do some good down there. Hearing that the CEO of BP, who has the money to eat anything, anywhere, at any time, thinks Gulf coast seafood is safe could give the industry a healthy bump during this downtime, and that he is spending his money at local bars instead of some high-end steakhouse deeper inland shows some personal investment in helping the American businesses his company devastated.

It is fascinating that Tony Hayward has become enough of a celebrity to be the target of such a hilariously nonexistent scandal, and even more amazing that Hayward is the kind of figure that proudly parades his flaws as badges of honor but has his good deeds scribbled into the back pages of an internet celebrity chronicle.

And one other relevant point on this piece: Tony Hayward and Paul the Psychic Octopus are now co-existing within the same news cycle. If that isn’t a clear-cut hero/villain dynamic, I don’t know what is.

BP, BP Oil Disaster, Gawker, Gossip, Gulf of Mexico, Gulf Oil Spill, Paul the Octopus, TMZ, Tony Hayward

http://SailRabbits.com Magister

The seafood counters at both of my local grocery stores have memos taped to the glass detailing what they purchase from the Gulf, assuring customers that it comes from an unaffected area and that they’re monitoring the situation, etc., etc. The regular, non-grocery fish market didn’t have any signs, the last time that I was there, but I made an aside about the spill as I was looking at the selection and that launched a thing which ended with the assurance that his store has been in business for 26 years.

IOW: Even in non-coastal areas, the seafood industry has gotten quite defensive because I imagine they are hurting.

I’ve seen the snark here and there because it seems Hayward eats nothing else, whenever he goes out. Of course, you’re supposed to eat seafood when you’re a the beach, but whenever I’ve seen someone make an easy joke, I can’t help wondering when the last time they had eaten seafood or are they among those, the stores have to assure.
tonytonytony

Tony and the lady arrived together, sat next together, ate together, and left together. He seems disinterested because he is watching England, his hometown, play the US. So is the lady. Not sure of your depth perception, but they were less than a foot away from each other.

I’ve read lots of other comments, and seems to me that columnists who seem pessimistic are more bitter because they didn’t get the pics, tip, or the full story.

The story never even says he’s having an affair or it’s his lover. It says he’s with someone who isn’t his wife. Anything in between the lines are your assumptions. Therefore, you’re ironically doing what you say TMZ is doing.

They were together. Mark my words. Don’t wanna have to come back with, I told you so and then you’ll just go off on another tangent to sustain your stance.
sarainitaly

Nice how TMZ and Gawker insinuate that just because he is possibly with this woman she is some floozy he is having an affair with, and he maybe “grabbed her ass!”

If they were indeed even together, I wonder if it ever occurred to them that perhaps she is an executive with BP and they are working together…

Nice points, Frances.
http://none pyrope

What a piece of crap for a story line. Tony Hayward actually eating food at lunch? Standing next to a pretty lady? The idiot who came up with this must have formerly been employed at Airhead America.