20 Ways That President Trump Is Exactly Like My Five-Year-Old Daughter

Last week, our family went on a beach vacation here in Southern California. While casually hanging out in the sand, my five-year-old daughter Grace, suddenly did an impromptu “impression” of Donald Trump. While she knows that I don’t like Trump, I honestly don’t know where she came up with the idea. Regardless, it was pretty funny and I was able to record most of it…

As you can see, Grace is quite a handful. We love her very much, but her being very beautiful and having an extremely strong personality, combined with being rather spoiled, has resulted in her having some, all too normal, behavioral issues. Adding a new infant sister (who is now strong competition for Mom’s attention) into this combustible equation, has only exacerbated these problems.

This episode on the beach got me to think about all the ways that Grace is actually a lot like our president. I quickly became alarmed at all of the personality qualities that they share and decided to make a comprehensive list. As you can see, the results were quite troubling.

Both Grace and Donald Trump…

Have Tiny Attention Spans: If you can’t make your point to them in 15-30 seconds, forget about it.

Are Obsessed With TV: Grace prefers “Mickey Mouse Clubhouse” in the morning, while Trump goes for “Fox & Friends.” These shows have similar levels of news credibility.

Think Loyalty Is a One-way Street: They temporarily like those who do great things for them, but quickly tire of sycophants, usually reserving much better treatment for those who are stingy with their gifts/love.

Have Very Limited Knowledge of/Respect for “The System”: “That’s not the way things work” is both a common, and usually ignored, direction for each of them.

Change Their Minds on a Dime: While often very stubborn, things they promise, or expressed a preference for, have little meaning because they pretend to not remember them the moment it becomes convenient to do so.

See Lying as Merely a Tactic of Self-Preservation: Grace: “I didn’t make that mess which only I could have made!” Trump: “Fake News!” Neither is likely to ever voluntarily admit having made a mistake.

Want to Do Exactly What They are Told They Can’t: Unfortunately, both share an almost complete lack of impulse control and appear to be too savvy to fall for the old “reverse psychology” trick.

Use Similar Negotiation Tactics: They will promise almost anything in the future in exchange for getting what they want in the present, secure in the knowledge that if they don’t follow through, there will be limited accountability.

Are Tremendous Manipulators: Mutual Modes Operandi: Endearing charm, quickly followed by terroristic threats.

Quickly Forget the Past: As the famous song from the hit movie “Frozen” taught them, “The past is the past… Let it Go!!”

Can Drop Friends in an Instant: Someone Grace meets for the first time on the playground can be her best friend ever, only to be never been seen or mentioned again. Much like the White House staff’s relationship with Trump.

Have a Love of Military Leaders: Grace prefers princes with swords who ride white horses, while Trump favors “my” generals.

Have Tyrannical Leadership Styles: Grace gets along great with everyone, as long as they do exactly as she demands. Trump seems to be very much the same way.

Are Prone to Intense Temper Tantrums: Grace collapses to the floor in tears and screams. Trump turns to the Twitter.

Lack an Understanding of How Lucky they Are: They each get nearly everything they desire, are living the dream, and yet both whine on a nearly constant basis.

Believe in Fairytales: Grace believes in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. Trump believes that his Electoral College victory and Inauguration crowd were the largest in modern times.

Are Used to Being Treated as the Center of the Universe: It is amazing how well even total strangers will treat a really pretty girl and a president who is a celebrity, neither of whom have done much of anything to deserve this.

Are Negatively Impacted By a Lack of Sleep: When Grace wakes me up at 6 am, I know it’s going to be a long day, When Trump tweets at 6 am, I feel the same way.

Are Drama Queens & Attention Seekers: Neither seem to care much about anything other than how events impact them, and, if things are going too well without the focus being on them, they will make sure that changes quickly. They both crave love/attention far more than they give it to others.

Those Close to Them Are Far Too Willing to Keep Enabling: I’m confident those close to Grace are trying a lot harder to correct this course than those in Trump’s circle. I will take full responsibility for Grace, in whom I still have much hope. I will not for Trump, in whom I have almost no hope.

To be clear, I love Grace very much and still think she will likely end up doing great things with her life. But she should NOT currently be the President of the United States. Neither should Donald Trump.

John Ziegler hosts a weekly podcast focusing on news media issues and is documentary filmmaker. You can follow him on Twitter at @ZigManFreud  or email him at

This is an opinion piece. The views expressed in this article are those of just the author.

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