Seriously. Look at this Craigslist post, titled, quite informatively, “Want to grow up and be a Red Panda?” But maybe Red Panda is just what a Baohaus employee would call themself, you might think. Ha ha ha ha. No.
When parents and teachers asked what you wanted to be when you grow up, did you respond RED PANDA?
…Statistics show that working at Baohaus at 238 e. 14th St can lead to a fruitful life as a Red Panda just schemin’ and chillin’ in the Asian Wilderness. Benefits include bamboo, a tail, PLUS triple citizenship as a raccoon, a bear and a Chinaman. We have positions available for line cooks and cashiers, but rest assured all roads lead to RED PANDA METAMORPHOSIS. THIS COULD BE YOU MY G.
How did Huang know that our childhood dream was to become a red panda? We were so young then.
Red Pandas can apply through this Craigslist posting, and human beings with respectable jobs can go here and think about what went wrong with their lives.
Have a tip we should know? firstname.lastname@example.org