John Mulaney Talks Rehab, Jokes During SNL Monologue He ‘Might Be the First Drug Addict to Turn an Innocent Man Into a Drug Dealer’
Comedian John Mulaney opened up about his time at rehab during his monologue on Saturday Night Live, and cracked a joke about how breaking up with his drug dealer revealed he wasn’t really a drug dealer.
In late 2020, Mulaney checked himself into a Pennsylvania rehab facility after relapsing during decades-long battle with addiction that according to reports, involved alcohol and cocaine.
“When I walked in to my intervention, I knew right away that it was an intervention,” Mulaney said. “Do you know how bad of a drug problem you have to have if when you open a door and see people gathered, your first thought is, ‘This is probably an intervention about my drug problem?'”
The now-five-time SNL host said he went to rehab for two months and it was “a very good experience.”
“I was there January 6th during the insurrection,” Mulaney said. “Wouldn’t have happened on my watch.”
He added: “Was there ever an insurrection before I went to rehab? No. Has there been one since I got out? Absolutely not. They wouldn’t dare.”
Mulaney then went on to detail an encounter that ensued after a counselor made him delete and block phone numbers of drug dealers, sometimes texting them not to contact you again.
“It’s called breaking up with your drug dealer,” Mulaney said. “I did this one afternoon with a counselor. I sat down, I texted my main dealer Arvin first. I shouldn’t have said his name. That’s alright, that’s okay, you don’t know him. So I texted Arvin first, and I say, ‘Hey, it’s me. I’m deleting and blocking you. I’m sober now, I’m never going to buy drugs again.”
Mulaney said out of politeness, he also thanked Arvin for his professionalism and nights that became days. He said that before he could block the number, Arvin replied, saying “I’m so proud of you” and he only sold him drugs because he didn’t want him to get “worse stuff off the street.”
“And I’m breaking up with this guy?” Mulaney joked. “So I can’t block him now. I text him back, you know? I go, ‘Oh, my God. You sweet man.'”
He then recounted learning that Arvin only sold drugs to him and no one else, and that he is a painter — not a drug dealer.
Asked how he started selling Mulaney drugs, he said Arvin replied he wasn’t sure but he “just kept asking.”
“I like that story because there are many tales of drug dealers who have turned innocent people into drug addicts,” Mulaney said. “I might be the first drug addict to turn an innocent man into a drug dealer.”
Watch above, via SNL
