WATCH: SNL Absolutely Savages Trump Cabinet in Blistering Cold Open

 

President Donald Trump and numerous high-ranking officials were raked over the coals in a punishing Saturday Night Live cold open.

In an unsparing six-and-a-half minute sketch, Trump, Vice President JD Vance, Secretary of State Marco Rubio, Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem, and Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth were all roasted by the SNL cast — as they took turns speaking at a faux press conference.

“I hope everyone had a nice holiday and got what they wanted for Christmas,” said Trump — played by James Austin Johnson. “I got what I wanted — my very own someone else’s Nobel Prize!”

The sketch took on the viral moment in which Trump read a private note from Marco Rubio out loud.

“Oh, Marco’s passing me a note here,” Trump said. “‘Don’t read this out loud, but maybe don’t talk about that. Also, do you like me? Circle yes or no, Marco.'”

After Trump complimented JD Vance on his eye shadow, Kristi Noem (played by Ashley Padilla) was brought in to, likewise, deliver a cosmetic-themed wisecrack.

“I’d like to give a quick shout-out to my hair and makeup team, who absolutely hate me,” said Noem.

Then, it was Pete Hegseth’s turn to be pilloried. The Defense Secretary — played by Colin Jost — took a victory lap for the U.S. strike on Venezuela and

“We’ve been rocking out with our c’s out all over the world,” Hegseth said. “We dunked on Venezuela. Next, we’re gonna sack-tap Iran. I’m gonna put the Ayatollah in the cuck chair. I’m going to tell him, ‘if I-ah-tol you once, I-ah-tol-ah you a thousand times: You don’t dare kill your protesters! That’s our thing!'”

Watch above, via NBC.

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Joe DePaolo is the Editor in Chief of Mediaite. Email him here: joed@mediaite.com Follow him on X: @joe_depaolo