Julian Assange Promises Unpublished Cables Contain “References To UFOs”

Just a few days after NASA announced the revolutionary discovery of an arsenic-based lifeform, many Americans are still responding with a “Cool, but can I have laser gun fights with it?” Well, get ready for another chance to be horribly disappointed at information about honest to goodness aliens! In an interview answering reader submitted questions with The Guardian, Julian Assange promises that the rest of the classified cables that he hasn’t released yet contain “references to UFOs!” Clearly we’ll all be flying around on speeder bikes by the end of the year.

Here’s the relevant quote:

“Mr Assange,
have there ever been documents forwarded to you which deal with the topic of UFOs or extraterrestrials?

Julian Assange:
Many weirdos email us about UFOs or how they discovered that they were the anti-christ whilst talking with their ex-wife at a garden party over a pot-plant. However, as yet they have not satisfied two of our publishing rules.
1) that the documents not be self-authored;
2) that they be original.
However, it is worth noting that in yet-to-be-published parts of the cablegate archive there are indeed references to UFOs.”

Cynics and buzzkills will quickly point out that, if Assange actually had some definitive information that the government knew about aliens and wasn’t telling us, chances are he would have put it in the first leak. However, as Agent Mulder’s poster said, “I want to believe” so screw the buzzkills, he said “UFOs!” UFOs!

Everyone should begin preparing their questions for Elvis accordingly.

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