New Moon Mania! Twilight Saga Characters And Their Media Matches

Victoria: Ann Coulter

Who in media is a better villain than Ann Coulter? It’s almost too easy. Villainous Victoria hates Bella Swan — Bella, after all, is indirectly responsible for the death of her vamp lover James — but also, she just really likes eating people. Not Ann, Victoria. We think.

Jessica Stanley: Meghan McCain

Bubbly girl-next-door Jessica Stanley frequently annoys friend Bella Swan with her boy-crazy activities, but wins her over again with a promise to go shopping in Port Angeles. McCain, with her stiletto-shopping sprees and BFF status with such luminaries as Tila Tequila, strikes us as a Jessica personified (with GOP feminist cred to boot).

Aro: Nick Denton

Marcus: Gabriel Snyder

Caius: Alex Pareene

The Volturi are hard to pin down. Their leader is tricksy and cunning, a millennia-old veritable King of the Vampires. Yet he also seems curiously interested in the goings-on of humans, finding himself moved by Bella and Edward’s love story and intervening at key plot points. “King of the Vampires” could aptly describe Gawker head honcho Nick Denton — especially after that whole BloodCopy thing! — as well as his grip over his new media underlings. Like Aro, Denton can read minds…the minds of the readers who keep growing Gawker traffic; meanwhile, his right-hand men mirror Aro’s Volturi court (as Marcus, Gabe Snyder must “sense relationships,” especially if they take place on grainy video in a hot tub with a beauty-queen-turned-madam). And as one of the few profitable new media franchises, to the beleaguered MSM, the Gawker headquarters may as well be a foreboding the Italian vampire HQ.

And that’s all, folks! We hope, on the week of New Moon‘s debut, that you’ll now see these media moguls in a, er, new light.

— Photo selection by Jessica Gold Haralson and Joe Coscarelli; with contributions from Rachel Sklar

This is an opinion piece. The views expressed in this article are those of just the author.