Have you ever wondered what would happen if Little Red Riding Hood’s grandmother was armed with a loaded Beretta shotgun? Well, wonder no longer.
NRA Family has released a pair of gun-friendly tales for toddlers, adapting classic fairy tales so that the protagonists are packing some serious heat. In Hansel and Gretel (Have Guns), the title characters don’t go hungry in the woods because their parents taught them responsible and safe hunting practices, allowing Gretel to bring down a magnificent 10-point buck.
In Little Red Riding Hood (Has a Gun), the Big Bad Wolf leaves Little Red alone because she’s open-carrying a rifle. When he tries to eat Grandma, his luck is just as crummy.
“What big teeth you have!” Grandma said, as his fierce jaws came near.
“The better to eat you with!” the wolf threatened.
The wolf leaned in, jaws open wide, then stopped suddenly. Those big ears heard the unmistakable sound of a shotgun’s safety being clicked off. Those big eyes looked down and saw that grandma had a scattergun aimed right at him. He realized that Grandmother hadn’t been backing away from him; she had been moving towards her shotgun to protect herself and her home.
The NRA versions of both fairy tales actually end with less violence, making them arguably more kid-friendly than the bloody Grimm Brothers’ originals.
[Image via screengrab]
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