Rand Paul Roasts Clinton, Trump, Cruz in His Annual Festivus Airing of Grievances
Senator Rand Paul has a holiday tradition of airing his grievances every Festivus, and today he did it again.
If you’re out of the loop about what Festivus is, allow these fictional characters to explain:
Anyway, this year Paul roasted a range of targets from Fox News to President Trump to a few Senate colleagues:
Good morning, #Festivus celebrants and twitter! Today, I will have an #AiringofGrievances to wish you a #HappyFestivus
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
Before we get started, I need to alert @FoxNews and someone in DC that this is NOT a war on Christmas. It’s a war on everything else.
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
Declared of course. That’s the only way to do It. Right Congress? Right?
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
Speaking of Fox News, I’m going to begin the day the way they usually do, with a thought about @HillaryClinton
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
I hear that many people are saying great thinks about Hillary’s book and It won some major major awards. That’s great for her, seriously. pic.twitter.com/TjuIUbDniK
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
I hear even @realDonaldTrump loved It. He said It was the “third best book ever written”.
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
That’s high praise considering he thinks the first two were both inspired by God.
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
If anyone doesn’t get that you can read about It here https://t.co/NR6cB63tmo
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
I want to pause to wish @realDonaldTrump a Happy Festivus. We told him to take today off, since he airs his grievances on here every day pic.twitter.com/OicIz1x5Uj
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
I want to celebrate the freedom to tweet my #AiringofGrievances. Twitter is getting a bit regulated so I wanted to show my permit pic.twitter.com/8dNNaVpkKd
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
I have a #HappyFestivus grievance with @ScottPruittOK. A year as @EPA director and still the toilets are NOT FIXED https://t.co/Q5Kr4um5aW
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
My friend @tedcruz decided to have an #AiringofGrievances early with @HamillHimself. On Star Wars opening weekend. Hmm pic.twitter.com/msnzLeXkxn
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
There are how many million Americans who’ve wanted to force-choke Ted, and he picked on the one who could do It. Brave, he is pic.twitter.com/rL5c65wMoH
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
I’m KIDDING, Ted. You’re likeable enough
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
Was that my last #HappyFestivus #AiringofGrievances ?? pic.twitter.com/hB8MfFAPO9
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
On that same subject, I have a major #HappyFestivus #AiringofGrievances with my friend @SenatorReid
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
We argued about taxes. Fought about spending. Worked on repatriation together. I helped treat your eye injury…
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
HOW IS IT YOU NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT THE ALIENS, HARRY??!!
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
Last but not least for this morning, I have an #AiringofGrievances for @senorrinhatch
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
Somehow, an octogenarian Mormon has better pot jokes than I do. This has been bothering me for a while. #HappyFestivus
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
I’ll be back later today with some more #HappyFestivus #AiringofGrievances. DC swamp, government waste and more politicians on deck.
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
For now, consider how you can celebrate #HappyFestivus by helping others pic.twitter.com/wEQXP9jbew
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
[image via Christopher Halloran / Shutterstock.com]
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