Retired NFL Player Arian Foster Posts Hilarious Series of Tweets About Fighting a Wolf: ‘I Know His Weaknesses’
Former NFL running back Arian Foster has put quite a bit of thought into what would happen if he fought a wolf one-on-one.
We cannot emphasize that enough. The former Texans and Dolphins back has really given the issue some serious consideration.
Sunday on Twitter, Foster spent hours sharing his position and debating it with followers. For the record, Foster absolutely thinks he could take the wolf.
wanna go camping but “wildlife” scares the shit outta me.
— Feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
i honestly think i can get a wolf 1 on 1 tho.
— Feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
i’m 230, wolfs are what, 180-200 tops? he has no thumbs. if i control his neck he’s dunzo. https://t.co/j9vf2knwqI
— Feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
wolves don’t scare me like that cuz in my neighborhood was a bunch of loose enraged pits. if he alone i think i can get him.
— Feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
how he gon bite w half a jaw? https://t.co/i5prSDynUd
— Feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
thumbs means i can grab him .he can’t grab me. all he has is a mouth. grab his neck he can’t bite. https://t.co/5s61cihKVb
— Feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
plus i have the advantage of honking about this wolf. like i’m prepared.
— Feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
if we run into each other in my head “oh yea it’s on, wolf”. he’s jus like “what is this aggressive species threatening me.”
— Feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
i’ve studied the wolf. he can’t read. i know his weaknesses. plus the thumb thing.
— Feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
well fuck off. not my fault you’re scared of wolves. https://t.co/7LARWmBvkq
— Feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
bro you think a wolf knows where my artery is? all the sudden i’m fighting a wolf that knows biology? https://t.co/0rKRorDSaw
— Feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
“what about his teeth? and claws?” this ain’t a video game. one hit and i’m done. it’s a fight.
— Feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
y’all will never kill a wolf with this kind of attitude. he’s already defeated you off of reputation. not me. fuck him.
— Feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
show me how the wolf in time of conflict analyzes exactly what part of the body is the weakest, determines how its the weakest, then attacks
— Feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
elks don’t have websites, aggression, arms or thumbs. just a walking meal. https://t.co/6L7K0pYdBE
— Feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
We’re not exactly sure how a website helps one fend off a wolf attack. But Foster’s mind sure seems to be made up.
Amazingly, we’ve only posted a sampling of Foster’s tweets. For Foster’s full scouting report of his hypothetical wolf fight, check out his Twitter feed.
[image via screengrab]
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