The Most Apocalyptic Right-Wing Responses to SCOTUS Gay Marriage Ruling


As millions of traditional marriages were officially destroyed by Friday morning’s Supreme Court ruling on same-sex marriages, these conservative pundits rushed to the nearest computer, smartphone, or radio station to blast out near-apocalyptic warnings about the coming end of America at the hand of the fascist gaystapo.

Construction has begun on a bunker for all those interested in going off-the-grid now that pretty much every major corporate brand has gone rainbow-flaggy for the occasion. Some possible future residents of that bunker below:

Todd Starnes

You knew he’d make an appearance here. Right on cue, the Fox News radio commentator suggested a “purge” of sorts is coming:

Bryan Fischer

Starnes’ bestie over at the American Family Association took it a few steps further, likening the high court ruling to the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks that left 3,000 Americans dead:

And, naturally, Hitler was invoked:

Ted Cruz & Sean Hannity

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) reached for the hyperbolic skies on Friday, telling Sean Hannity that, in conjunction with Thursday’s Obamacare ruling, the same-sex marriage decision has made the last day “some of the darkest 24 hours in our nation’s history.”

“I couldn’t say it more eloquently,” Hannity eagerly agreed.

Hmmm… guess these guys have never heard of the Battle of Antietam? (22,000 casualties in a single-day battle.) Or, perhaps, 9/11, when, again, 3,000 Americans perished. Or maybe the day Pearl Harbor was attacked, killing 2,400 Americans. Idk, idk.

Mike Huckabee

Not so much apocalyptic as apocalyptically awful: The GOP presidential candidate suggested the SCOTUS ruling was on par with the 1857 decision that black Americans could not be citizens and therefore had no legal rights. Hmmm…

What if no one had acted in disobedience to the Dred Scott decision of 1857? What if the entire country had capitulated to judicial tyranny and we just said that because the Supreme Court said in 1857 said that a black person wasn’t fully human—suppose we had accepted that, suppose Abraham Lincoln, our president, had accepted that, would that have been the right course of action? And I don’t know of anyone, I mean seriously, I don’t know of anyone who believes that the Supreme Court made the right decision in Dred Scott. Guy

Really, what did you expect from this guy?

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