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Jersey Shore, Finale: Going In With A Bang, Going Out With A Bang

Well folks, there’s good news and bad news. What would you like to hear first?

Good? Well all signs point to another season of Jersey Shore, and Jwoww threw out the word “Hamptons” at the end of this episode, which would make it a whole new level of amazing. Bad? Last night was the season finale.

We picked up where we left off last week, with Ronnie on his way to jail. Sweetheart and Snooki were concerned back at the house.

Snooki: Should I call 911?
Sweetheart: Don’t call 911, I think that’s emergency.

Pauly D is already back at the house, inexplicably hanging out with his Israeli stalker. She stalks his life. Ronnie has found a unique way to ignore her – spend the night in jail. The roommates were supposed to get up at 6:30am to check on Ronnie, but of course, they were hungover and slept threw. The phone quacked until 8:53am before someone answered. Sweetheart picked him up. “It went from having an awesome night, no fights, to snap your fingers, Ronnie’s in jail,” says The Situation.

The Situation decides to have some fun on the last night in Seaside Heights. “Last weekend here. Labor Day weekend. We’re gonna get some girls. Have some fun,” he says. But of course, he doesn’t. Because he has a fatally flawed strategy, as I’ve laid out in detail before. So the guys decide for a boys night.

Snooki wants a date, but it’s not really working out for her. Jwoww tells her to come out to the boardwalk. Here’s why: “I see a bunch of gorilla juiceheads. Tall, completely jacked, steroids, multiple growth hormones, the type I’m attracted to.”

The Situation overhears her love of the juiceheads, and says, “Big is out and lean is in.” Apparently he’s off his cycle. By the time Snooki emerges, she sees no “guido juiceheads.” “You woke me up for nothing,” she says. Wah.

The Situation finds a girl at the beach in a group dubbed the “teenage area” by his roommates. “They’re like five,” says Vinny. “They’ve got nice bodies,” counters The Situation.

He ends up meeting a girl. “Possibly a date for the rest of the holidays. ‘Hey ma, this is my girlfriend for the next couple months until the summer starts,'” he says, daydreaming. This of course won’t happen. Plus, he doesn’t even know if she’s 18. “That ass did not look 12,” he says. It’s a pretty fool-proof statutory rape prevention method.

>>> NEXT PAGE: Snooki dances…alone. Then hot tubs…not alone.

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