Late Night Roundup: Colbert and Kimmel Mock Trump’s ‘Pile of Crap’ Lawsuit Against John Bolton
Late-night hosts Jimmy Kimmel and Stephen Colbert mocked President Donald Trump’s lawsuit against ex-National Security Adviser John Bolton on Tuesday night, with the latter calling it a “pile of crap.”
Colbert interrupted his monologue to share the breaking news and revealed that the Department of Justice has filed a breach of contract suit against Bolton over his upcoming book The Room Where It Happened.
“Now let me explain what that means, no one knows what that means,” he said. “Because what’s breach of contract with the government? You can arrest somebody for spreading state secrets, but breach of contract? Breach of contract is, you sue your plumber because he never finished installing your new septic tank, which Trump’s really going to need because this lawsuit is a huge pile of crap.”
The host then mocked the title choice for referencing Hamilton, joking that the memoir must include Bolton’s foreign policy freestyle rap before guessing a verse himself.
“My name is Johnny B and I’m here to say let’s nuke Cuba and Paraguay!” Colbert rapped. “We’ll turn Tehran into a pile of ash, and if you don’t like it you can kiss my stache!”
“Unlike every other leader in the free world, Trump makes his advisors sign non-disclosure agreements. And the lawsuit charges that Bolton has breached his legal obligations embodied in his NDA,” he added. “Now, we’ve all heard about Trump’s NDAs. Stormy Daniels had one, and she got out of it. So, Trump should just cut Bolton a check for $130,000—because now, Bolton is going to spank him with this book. Which I think technically makes Bolton a porn star.”
Although Bolton’s book has already been published and is supposed to be released next week, Attorney General William Barr claimed it was still being printed and that the White House was trying to remove classified information from the text.
“Hey, Attorney General Doofus. According to sources, I got this last Friday,” he said holding up a copy of Bolton’s memoir. “Full disclosure, I have not read it yet, because it looks really long and it has no sympathetic characters.”
“There’s a new, new tell all book on the way from Trump’s former National Security Advisor John Bolton,” Kimmel said. “Remember this mustache guy? John Bolton. Yeah, he’s the guy who offered to testify during the impeachment trial but the Republicans said, ‘Nah, no thanks, we’re good.'”
The host then reminisced about the impeachment trial and compared it to a Hulu show he didn’t like the ending of, before poking fun at Bolton’s book title, noting that it was a pretty weird choice.
Watch above, via Youtube.
