Long before he was host of HBO’s Real Time, Bill Maher was just another comedian trying to make it big in show business. This required that he have his fair share of bad movie roles (and bad ’80s hair). Case in point: Pizza Man. Written by the guy behind Pretty Woman, the movie starred Maher as Elmo Bunn, a pizza delivery man notorious for never having been stiffed on an order.
The movie plays out as a detective spoof, complete with shady characters, noir lighting, and even a femme fatale known only as “The Dame.” But keeping with Maher’s style of humor, the movie takes a turn for the political with Elmo uncovering a conspiracy involving everyone from Bob Woodward to Dan Quayle to former Japanese Prime Minister Yasuhiro Nakasone.
The film begins with Elmo delivering a large sausage and anchovy pizza across town to some gangsters. He winds up meeting then-mayor of Los Angeles Tom Bradley and discovers that he was setup. They rob him thus setting off a chain of events with Elmo searching for his $15.23 — the amount he was owed for the pizza. Along the way he meets various politicians, played by other actors and not by themselves.
The dialogue is filled with dated references such as Michael Dukakis claiming that people call him “a dull bloodless technocrat” or Dan Quayle admitting his father “pulled strings to get him into the [Indiana] National Guard”. You even get a shot of 1984 Vice President candidate Geraldine Ferraro and Ronald Reagan in bed together with Ferraro begging to switch parties to the Republicans and Reagan firing back that she’s nothing more than a “political tax-and-spend slut.”
In the end, it turns out Donald Trump is behind the entire ordeal and sporting some surprisingly okay hair. Apparently he used to work with Elmo at the same pizza shop before he became a billionaire, but later ran away. The reason? Trump wanted to be the best pizza man in the world, but could never live up to Elmo. So he came up with the plan to get revenge and stiff Elmo of his money. He reveals the entire plan but before Trump can finish him off, Elmo grabs a box of exploding sausage (don’t ask) and throws it across the room, blowing up Trump and the rest of the caricatures.
No word yet as to the rumored sequel starring Herman Cain. We can only hope this portrayal won’t end up like the last time Maher parodied Trump.
Watch a clip of the Donald Trump scene below:
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