Lana Del Rey‘s lips (as portrayed to perfection by Kristen Wiig — which is especially interesting considering how many Twitterers wondered whether the performance was actually just a sketch starring Wiig) visited Saturday Night Live‘s Weekend Update to address the criticism hurled her away after her “stiff, distant and weird” performance three weeks ago.

Saturday Night Live brings us a glimpse into a not-so-distant future, a future when Barack Obama‘s second term leads us into a nightmarish socialist dystopia. Luckily, Newt Gingrich‘s vision for a moon colony became a reality.

Not since Ashlee Simpson performed the hoedown has an SNL performer botched a performance as bad as Lana Del Rey did as the show’s musical guest host last night.

SNL’s Weekend Update had Michele Bachmann on for her swan song following her disappointing finish in the Iowa caucus on Tuesday. Although she was bummed that her time as a Republican candidate was over, she was much more excited about being able to blink “for the first time since this all started.” Seth Meyers quizzed her about her statement that God told her to run for the presidency, and Bachmann placidly acknowledged that it may have been a mass text.

Two friends get separated on a flight. A nursery school application is rejected. A woman ordering at Arby’s has no way of knowing if her food is local or not. These are “white people problems,” and Charles Barkley is hosting a new show on Discover ID that finally gives them their due. Each segment features Barkley as the host speaking with a black person who was at the scene of the “crime,” but it turns out in each instance they weren’t paying attention to the “Caucasian crises” on hand.

Remember a few weeks ago, when “Saturday Night Live” aired a presidential debate sketch where the candidates were seated according to their chances in the polls, and Rick Santorum was left to participate via satellite from a gay bar in the San Francisco’s Castro District? Oh, so very much has changed since then. This week’s episode began with an address from Rick Santorum himself, played by Andy Samberg (wearing Santorum’s now-signature sweater vest, of course).

Televangelist Pat Robertson was incensed by Saturday Night Live‘s parody of Denver Bronco’s quarterback Tim Tebow on Monday morning, calling it an attack on Christianity. “There’s an anti-Christian bigotry that is just disgusting and I think Saturday Night Live did a parody of that, had Jesus come in,” Robertson fumed. “If this had been a Muslim country and they had done that, and had Muhammad doing that stuff, you would have found bombs being thrown off!”

It was the last sketch of the night, but Tim Tebow finally made his highly anticipated appearance, closing out one of the most solid episodes of Saturday Night Live in recent memory. Taran Killam, playing Tebow (and helping to settle a bet on sister site Sportsgrid), was interrupted by his personal hero Jesus during a standard locker room pep talk. Jesus, played by Jason Sudeikis, was not as enamored with Tebow as Tebow was with him.

When Seth Meyers reported on the story of a local strip club doing a Christmas toy drive (“give a gift to charity and we’ll give it to the manager!”), Jimmy Fallon just had to stop by his old “Weekend Update” post to hear more. Looking sharp in a navy suit and purple tie, he challenged Meyers to a “good old-fashioned ‘Weekend Update’ Joke-Off.” And, just to make things more exciting, former co-anchors Tina Fey and Amy Poehler also threw their hats into the ring.

Nicolas Cage (played by Andy Samberg) and Jude Law (played by the man himself) stopped by “Weekend Update” for a recurring segment called “Get In The Cage.” While ostensibly an opportunity for Nicolas Cage to talk to fellow actors about their craft, it was actually an opportunity for Jude Law to look quietly bemused while Cage spouted non-stop nonsense. When he got fed up toward the end Cage cautioned him “There’s only one way to leave the Cage…a fight to the death.

It’s fitting that Jimmy Fallon would return to Saturday Night Live to host a Christmas episode, and also fitting that he was joined by fellow alum Rachel Dratch to reprise his Pat Sullivan character, with Dratch playing his girlfriend Denise. They were trying to crash their old high school’s winter formal, which was difficult as their student IDs put Fallon at fourteen and Dratch at…whatever age you have to be to work as an assistant high school principal.

SNL’s Keenan Thompson ribbed MSNBC host Al Sharpton with a goofy imitation of the Reverend’s over-the-top persona. “President Obama has been pushing this payroll tax hollaback — excuse me, tax holiday!” joked Thompson. “Which has helping middle class folks up and down America and these republicans now talking about how it’s bad for this and that and the other. Here’s my question — do these people have rocks in their heads?”

Stefon made a show-stopping appearance on SNL’s Weekend Update to give host Seth Meyers some advice on the hottest new restaurants to take the relatives this holiday season.

Alec Baldwin made fun of his American Airlines incident by appearing as pilot Captain Steve Rogers on SNL’s Weekend Update. Seth Meyers asked Rogers’ for his take on Baldwin being kicked off the plane.

On this week’s SNL Digital Short, Andy Samberg and Katy Perry were two best friends “with holiday cheer” who are inseparable, caroling, wrapping presents and spending such quality time watching The Lion King.

SNL’s cold open featured Kristen Wiig‘s dead-on impression of Fox News host Greta Van Susteren. Wiig’s Van Susteren interviewed Donald Trump (with a triumphant return from Darrell Hammond) about his 2-man debate with Republican frontrunner Newt Gingrich and Republican whipping boy Rick Santorum.

SNL has at last decided to comment on the cultural phenomenon that is Dateline Bill Hader, playing host Keith Morrison, oversaw a typical “Dateline” episode, ushering in segments like “The Mystery of the Chopped Up Dead Guy.” A be-mulleted Steve Buscemi played the murderer, and Kristen Wiig appeared as his, uh, beautiful and long-suffering wife. More important than the crime, however, was how stoked Keith Morrison was about all of this murdering! Dude was not shy about how much dead people excite him, even going so far as to bring a tub of popcorn into his interview with Wiig.

Given that Herman Cain announced that he was suspending his presidential campaign late this week, it was inevitable that he would make an appearance on Saturday Night Live to explain himself. He denied that the allegations of his affair with Ginger White were true, then clarified that he and Ms. White were “friends,” and did normal friend stuff, like exchange money for no reason. He illustrated this point by giving Seth Meyers some money and then admonishing “Now, you know that money ain’t free…”

This week’s Digital Short began in classic movie trailer fashion, with Batman consulting with Chief O’Hara, played in this by Steve Buscemi (with the help of an impressive ‘stache). Batman appeared to give the chief crucial information on a rooftop, in his kitchen while he was eating Haagen-Dazs, in the shower, during a prostate exam, and while he wasin bed with his wife, but he always disappeared before the chief could get any significant deets. Things got super weird when Batman changed into a mouse costume and made Kristen Wiig, who was playing his wife, put on some kind of Green Lantern outfit. It was then that we all learned Batman has an ulterior motive…true love!

Fred Armisen’s President Obama impression got hauled out this evening to kick off the episode, and…it was kind of different? Armisen’s past Obama sketches have never really been award-winning, but it seemed as though he usually made an effort to mimic the president’s deep voice and (sometimes ponderous) slow delivery. This time, Armisen seemed to be playing “some dude in the Oval Office” rather than the sitting president.

Who: Seth Meyers, John Mulaney, Marika Sawyer, Colin Jost, Erik Kenward, Bryan Tucker, Chris Kelly, moderated by Steve Gaydos
What: “Live from New York… A Discussion with the Saturday Night Live Writers”
Where: Paley Center for Media
When: November 13, 2011
Thumbs: Up

Former Saturday Night Live cast member Darrell Hammond is offering a revealing look at his life, career and addiction in his new memoir God, If You’re Not Up There, I’m F*cked. Recently, we told you about his struggles with alcohol and crack cocaine while at SNL. (Everyone’s Reaction: Who didn’t do some form of cocaine while at that show?) But, now, Hammond is digging deeper into his past and allowing viewers a glimpse into a harrowing childhood marked by abuse at the hands of his mother.

Former Saturday Night Live cast member Darrell Hammond (perhaps best known for his portrayals of Bill Clinton, Chris Matthews, Donald Trump and a particularly devious version of San Connery) reveals in his new memoir that he drank heavily and smoked crack while at the show.

In God, If You’re Not Up There, I’m F*cked, Hammond writes that he kept “a pint of Remy” at his desk at the show, and reveals that “when drinking didn’t work, I cut myself.” The actor says he has trying to cope with a traumatic childhood.

In case you missed Saturday Night Live over the weekend because you were out or sleeping or watching paint dry instead, we’ll get you up to speed: Last Saturday’s show included a sketch featuring GOP presidential hopeful Rick Santorum, who is not exactly the biggest advocate for same-sex marriage, or for homosexuality in general, tuning in to “Marriott TV’s GOP debate” from a gay bar.

How does Santorum feel about that?

Saturday Night Live’s Halloween episode came rather early tonight, and Seth Meyers’s Weekend Update segment was interrupted by “two teenagers dressed as werewolves.” The teens in question were Jay Pharoah and Drake in their best Teen Wolf gear, and they performed an original song about their favorite Halloween tradition — taking candy from small children. Apparently, this phenomenon is called “bag jackin’,” and it afforded both Pharoah and Drake ample opportunities to scream the names of different candy brands into the microphone and gyrate uncomfortably close to Meyers’s face.