Everyone’s New Favorite Upcoming Movie Is Cocaine Bear
Image via Pablo Alcala / screengrab
It takes a very special film to hook you on the title alone, and on Tuesday news broke of a movie in development that is actually, seriously called Cocaine Bear.
Yes, you are reading that correctly. Cocaine. Bear.
And don’t worry, this is not a gritty Joker-style origin story for Winnie the Pooh or Paddington.
Elizabeth Banks is directing this ursine epic based on a very bizarre true story. In 1985, a big black bear was found dead after consuming pounds and pounds of cocaine. And according to a report from the time, the cocaine was dropped “from a plane piloted by Andrew Thornton, a convicted drug smuggler who died Sept. 11 in Knoxville, Tenn., because he was carrying too heavy a load while parachuting.”
The story became one of those mildly obscure internet oddities you might randomly stumble upon, and the bear received the nickname Pablo Eskobear.
Surprising absolutely no one, “Cocaine Bear” became a trending topic on Twitter. Bette Midler has already offered her services:
#ElizabethBanks is directing a movie based on a true story about a bear who consumed 70 pounds of #cocaine dropped into the woods by a smuggler in 1985. I don't know if there's a part that's right for me in it, Liz, but if the bear needs an acting coach, I have seen some shit!
— bettemidler (@BetteMidler) March 10, 2021
And everyone else had a field day:
Have they cast the cocaine bear yet?
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) March 10, 2021
If y’all get John C. Reilly to play the cocaine bear I’ll score the movie for a bag of chili cheese Fritos and a Mt. Dew https://t.co/KVSE6SEPgD
— Jason Isbell (@JasonIsbell) March 10, 2021
I am here for the COCAINE BEAR CINEMATIC UNIVERSE. I’ll buy the action figures. I’ll get the app. I’ll make my kid watch the kid-friendly Netflix cartoon. Is there a Halloween costume? Put me in it. https://t.co/Y9d5fOWM4L
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) March 9, 2021
Cocaine. Bear.
Cocaine bear.
COCAINE BEAR. https://t.co/eAbwV5adVx
— Lizzie O'Leary (@lizzieohreally) March 9, 2021
How do we feel about cocaine bears? https://t.co/SXqrs5v6fL
— Franklin Leonard (@franklinleonard) March 10, 2021
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does Cocaine Bear spend three hours trying to explain the genius of Herzog’s Grizzly Man without letting the tree get a word in edgewise?
— C. Robert Cargill (@Massawyrm) March 9, 2021
The lack of movies called COCAINE BEAR is exactly what has been wrong with Hollywood for decades now https://t.co/an4gZLE2jZ
— Eddie Robson (@EddieRobson) March 9, 2021
Like 70 pounds is a more impressive quantity of cocaine than 175 pounds is of bear.
— Josh Barro (@jbarro) March 10, 2021
and to think they said my “COCAINE BEAR” google alert was “silly” and “wouldn’t lead to anything of import for as long as cinema graces the silver screen” well, well, well
— Erik Malinowski (@erikmal) March 9, 2021
this is the only movie we have needed since Fury Road https://t.co/YeaneQ7BZI
— Robert Evans (The Only Robert Evans) (@IwriteOK) March 10, 2021
"cocaine bear" is a wild title, but the full story – about a Kentucky drug smuggling group – is insane. the book "Bluegrass Conspiracy" is the most famous version, and Justified used it as inspiration (and the true stories are crazier than the show!) https://t.co/hNva5Ipj14 https://t.co/A2SMF2nIjl
— Chris B. Brown (@smartfootball) March 10, 2021
(Sidenote: if this movie does well, there is another real-life bear-centric story that could absolutely be its own movie too.)
