‘I’m a Sick Puppy’: Fox News Hosts Let Loose With Raunchy Senate Sex Tape Jokes
The co-hosts of cable news’s top-rated show, Fox News’s The Five, cracked jokes non-stop Monday about the Senate sex tape that dominated headlines over the weekend.
The show kicked off with an introduction from former Bush White House Press Secretary Dana Perino who detailed the scandal, which involved two men filming themselves having sex in a Senate hearing room.
“A sex tape before Christmas,” interjected Greg Gutfeld.
“I mean what more could you ask for?” shot back Perino.
“I promise not to open it,” Gutfeld replied, beginning his comments on the topic:
But it does look like Joe Biden’s motorcade wasn’t the only thing rear-ended. Oh, that joke would work if you could see the pictures. And I have seen the pictures. And I have to tell you, it definitely is a sex tape.
But the so-called accused, which we cannot mention, claims that this accusation is based on homophobia, and that’s predicated on the idea that people are outraged over the act, which they aren’t. They’re reacting to the where, you know, they always pull this trick. You know, they’re banning books. No, they’re moving them. It’s not the book. It’s the location.
Gutfeld continued by blasting Democrats on a variety of culture war issues and concluded by saying he was saving all of his best sex tape jokes for his show later tonight.
Perino then turned to Jesse Watters and prompted him by saying, “The other thing is that the NBC News is basically saying conservatives pounce because they didn’t want to actually cover the substance. They just wanted to consider the source.”
“Well, I don’t like pouncing, but it’s my job, Dana. Here you go. And I made a few gay porn movie titles about this Senate scandal. Would you like to hear them?” Watters replied.
”I don’t know,” joked Gutfeld as the other co-hosts also voiced their concerns.
After Watters rattled off his list, which included titles like “Testimoaning” and “Reclaiming My Behind,” he added, “I came up with those in five minutes because I’m a sick puppy. But when I realized that this was a Democrat staffer, I have to say I was very relieved.”
“But I should have seen it coming. I know after they did the fire alarm pulling the throwing of the elbows, a sex tape was inevitable. And now it’s a race to the bottom. That is, they’ve been telling us, the Democrats, that they need to keep the government out of the bedroom. Well, they just turned the government into the bedroom, Jessica,” Watters jested, adding:
And to me, this is worse than January 6th. So much worse because they say they defiled the Congress. What is this? We had a couple of guys to have their feet up on Nancy’s desk. What is this? They said they obstructed an official government proceeding. They delayed the certification for like 2 hours. They’re not going to be able to have a hearing in this room for weeks. This thing needs to be deep cleaned now. Also, I was told that there was the German guy who was on top. Now, if I was Joe Biden, I would summon the ambassador immediately because, you know, from trade, from not paying their native membership dues, they have been taking advantage of Americans for far too long.
“They have been screwing everybody,” Gutfeld joked.
“They’ve been screwing the American people. It’s time for the German free ride to end, Greg. Yes. And I just hope the guy’s not pregnant. You said men could get pregnant. And if they are pregnant, I hope they have the baby,” Watters continued.
“Permission to be taken seriously?” Watters concluded, as he then pivoted to slightly less satirical commentary.
Watch the full clip above via Fox News.
